Boy Crazy

Ch. 1 - In the Beginning...

Hi. My name is Phoenix Merriweather, and I'm not like most girls. Wait, scratch that, I totally am. I know that you're probably used to hearing are about girls who've been hardened by some terrible tragedy in their life with a plethora of trust issues and a bone to pick, but eventually fall in love and discover that their walls are imprisoning them, not protecting them. Ugh. I'm so over it. While my story does have some bitter girls, and some romance, and a little bit of soul-searching, it's the polar opposite of anything you're used to.

Before we get started, I'll tell you a little about myself. I love Burger King Coke Icees. I'm deathly afraid of heights. I once constructed a replica of the Eiffel Tower out of marshmallows and toothpicks in a single afternoon. Oh, and I'm also what you would call boy crazy. I find them fascinating! And so dreamy. Ever since kindergarten when Freddy Michaels kissed me under the jungle gym, I was hooked. It has been my life goal to find "The Perfect Boy." (This phrase has been the motto between my best friend, Skye, and I for years). I have been on a quest, an arduous journey full of trolls, ogres, and quite a few anime-fanatics (the emo phase was a rough time). In my search for The Perfect Boy¸ I stumbled upon Mr. Shackleford. My English teacher.

He was, for all intents and purposes, a god. His crystalline blue eyes twinkled when he laughed; his dreamy blonde hair always swept back in the artful way that looks so effortless (although everyone knows it took quite a bit of effort). The way he rolled up the sleeves of his button-down as he became engulfed in teaching made my heart race just to think about. English happened to be my best subject, no doubt because I spent the entire class with my eyes glued to Mr. Shackleford's lips.

Now I'm going to tell you the story of how I got expelled from high school and had to start stripping for cash.

Just kidding. I am going to tell you a story, and there may or may not be a strip club thrown in there, but I digress. It all started on a rainy Tuesday in February...