Beneath the Surface

1. What did I do to deserve this?

Flashback

I still replay that night in my head over and over, well, what I can remember of it.

It was pitch black outside.

I was drunk, and I remember someone saying they would walk me home. I never made it home. I ended up 5 houses down from my mother’s house in someone's back yard with someone on top of me.

Being in and out of consciousness, I tried to fight him off of me, but it was no use. I heard a bunch of voices but only caught every third word or so.

"What.... You do?"

"Oh s**t, he's f**king her!"

"I.... Go... Sister... Her way."

"Let... Finish... Right... Here!"

"No!... Her sister.... Kill.. !!"

When I woke up the next day, I was inside and covered in my own vomit at my sister's friend’s house. I asked what I was doing there and what happened, but no one would tell me. After beating around the bush for what seemed like hours, my sister's friend told me that he brought me in from outside after he pulled some guy off of me. I had never felt so dirty and disgusted in my life.

Upon hearing this, I headed back home and was confronted by my mother. Distraught, she calls the police to report it. The police then took me to the hospital, where they made me do a rape kit. The test confirmed that someone took advantage of me against my will. I couldn't help but cry and blame myself. I saw the hurt in my mothers eyes. When I got home, I showered, and hid in my room for days.

  - end flashback

"Let... Finish...right....here.."

"Ah! No!"

"Well, there goes another sleepless night." I say to myself, forcing myself out of bed. I paced back and forth for what seemed like hours, asking myself "why?" I never got an answer which lead me to believe it was my fault. 

Suddenly, my door opened, and my mother appeared. 

"Ariana, are you okay?" She asked me. I couldn't turn around and face her. I sat down and just cried hysterically.

"Why mom?! Why'd... this.. happen... to me?! " I managed to ask her as my breath continued to hitch between sobs. I jumped when my mom touched my shoulder.

"I don't know, but I do know it isn't your fault." I could hear the hurt in my mom's voice, I cried even harder. As much as I didn't want to be touched at that moment, she wrapped me in an embrace.

"I love you mom." I said, giving a half-hearted smile.

"I love you too, Ariana." She said before she left my room.