I have tried to find someone to take her place within the contains of my lethargic heart and charred lungs.
I will see others and find beauty in their faces and honor in their aspects, but none ever as much as I have in her, never for as long. Their smiles will not amount to the brilliance of hers. Their stature never as small and compact, always a little too different so that they will never fit the puzzle of my arms.
Their eyes are never the same shade of blue, never gleaming the same light. A million pretty faces and bodies could never make up to me what I feel I have lost, what has slipped through my fingers millions of times and more.
I have tried to make myself hate her, thinking that maybe if I can focus on all the bad she harbors, maybe I can stop myself from looking past it like I've always done. I have said things to regret, convinced others that her presence made me sick when her presence was all I wanted. She is flawed like the rest of us, maybe more. She is imperfect, yet I have always found perfection for that very reason.
She is a hurricane tearing apart everything she touches, she is a poison with unprecedented toxicity, a bad taste left in your mouth by the end of her rein. I tried to hate her, yes; I tried for everything she's done to me, for everything she does. I tried to hate her for never wanting me- I know she never has, she couldn't have- and I tried to hate her for hurting me so many times because she knew I would let her.
I tried hating her for how my friends enjoyed her company more than mine, I tried hating her for making one of my best friends fall for her just like I did. I tried hating her for her promiscuity and I tried hating her for what she has done to others much worse than anything she has does to me, but I just never could. I never did.
It's possible that I never will.
