Church Bells ｡ Matthew Murdock

13 - RESTLESS SOULS

Truth was a circling element whirling around Juliette Allen lately, something that had turned her once perfect, normal and desirable life on its head. She had found out the truth about her parents, murdered for greed and unattainable desire from a man who was rotten to the core and would rather kill than move on. The very man who was her true father. Now, the dark truth about the man she was slowly, but surely falling in love with was spilling into the light.

The two unlikely restless souls had journeyed towards Matthew Murdock's apartment that night, silence heavy between them. Juliette was cradling her hand, her thoughts clouded with what had just happened with those men and how she had punched somebody. Little, hopeful, naive Juliette Allen had actually punched somebody, she couldn't wait to tell Blair and Lillian. Although, there was a strange rush of adrenaline coursing through her body, she couldn't help but send longing glances towards Matthew on their short midnight walk, wondering what secret was hiding in his heart. 

Once they arrived, Matthew was ushering the woman into his dark apartment, placing down his white cane and moving towards the kitchen, his hands touching the countertops, allowing him to know where he stood in his home. Juliette watched wordlessly as he pulled out some ice from the freezer, dumping the cubes in a tea towel and moving towards her. His warm hand managed to take her own, resting the ice against her knuckles. 

She let out a hiss of pain, "Thanks."

They stood lonely in the apartment for a long moment, the sound of the city echoing from outside. Bright red light flooded the living room through the large glass windows, lights from the billboards, something Matthew did not mind, for obvious reasons. With the night dark, the air around them buzzing with anticipation, she couldn't help but think how pretty the red lights looked against his skin. "Um, why don't you take a seat?"

Numbly, she was lowering herself to the lounge, watching him and waiting. She could see his shoulders stiffen under his suit jacket, her stomach twisting uncomfortably. She had known Matthew Murdock for months now, she knew the signs that echoed through his body when he was anxious or stressed, and right now he was both. "Matthew--"

"I'll be right back." Matthew simply noted, before moving away from her. Juliette watched as he disappeared into his bedroom, her teeth digging into her bottom lip. She could hear a rustling of sound like he was searching for something. When he finally emerged, his suit jacket was gone, leaving him in his usual white dress shirt, his tie loose around his neck. He was now carrying an old looking chest. 

Matthew could feel his heartbeat knocking against his chest as he lowered the wooden chest to the ground, right in front of Juliette Allen. There was fear sparking in his heart tonight and he knew in this very moment, everything could change. He feared that with the truth, she would leave. He did not enjoy telling people about Daredevil, it caused too much confusion and pain. He would rather prefer Juliette just knowing this version of himself, not the other guy. But weirdly, he didn't want to lie to her, not anymore. Juliette Allen deserved more than lies. 

"I'm a bit confused," Juliette frowned. "Why did you just dump a chest by my feet? I thought you were going to explain how you fought that man off tonight? I thought...I don't really know what I exactly though but a chest? What's in it? I'm not going to find a stash of porn or something in there, am I? A dead body, maybe? Oh Lord, is this some weird fetish--"

Matthew shook his head, Juliette's overload of questions drying up in her throat. "I've been keeping something from you, from many people, and it's something that might change your view on me, Jules." He started quietly, "I'm not a good person, despite trying to be. There's a darkness in me and for a long time, I've let it consume me."

Juliette shifted on the lounge, "We've all got darkness in us."

Slowly, Matthew bowed his head, drawing in a deep breath. It was hard telling the truth, sharing the very darkness that hurt so many people with somebody he cared about. He knew Juliette Allen was different, she was good and pure and everything that called to him in the daylight. He wanted to be good, he wanted to stay true to his faith in the Lord, he wanted so desperately to be somebody she could love, but he couldn't be. Not when he was Daredevil, not when he was hiding a very piece of his soul from her. He knew Juliette Allen had been lied to for so long and she deserved more than that, more than lies and deceit. She deserved the truth, even if that very truth pushed her kind soul away. 

"Jules, it's a different darkness." Matthew finally spoke again, something heavy in his chest. He could feel the weight of what was about to happen, how this could tear her away from him. "It's something violent, something the Devil put in me."

The poor Allen girl was shaking her head, tears thick in her throat. "What are you saying, Matt?"

Slowly, he inched forward with his hands stretched out feeling for the chest. With one last prayer sent up to the heavens, he was heaving back the lid. Juliette leaned forward, her heart thumping loudly in her ears. A gasp fell from her lips, the ice and tea towel falling from her knuckles and crashing against the wooden floorboards. With her heart in her throat, she reached for the red mask with horns, holding the very symbol of chaos and violence committed in the darkness in her tiny hands. 

"I'm Daredevil."

Tears blinked in her eyes, confusion clouding her mind. The whole of New York knew Daredevil. Articles were written about him, some praising him for righting wrongs, but others saw him as a menace, somebody that used his fists to correct an injustice. The Devil of Hell's Kitchen had hurt people. He had smeared blood against humanity. He had saved people, by hurting others. It was an impossible balance, the scales of good and bad tipped unevenly. Some called him a hero, some called him a vigilante. Juliette had been torn on the very subject, her faith always making that opinion very mixed. Never in a million years though, did she think she would place Matthew Murdock behind the mask, the man who was helping heal her heart. 

The mask dropped from her hands suddenly, the sound echoing through the apartment. There was too much confusion in her mind and heart, everything screaming at her. Quickly, she was weaving her hands through her thick curls, tasting blood on her tongue from where she had chewed at the inside of her cheek. She was already being torn between her feelings and her faith, hating how unclear everything was right now. 

Juliette was moving towards the door without a word, tears fresh in her eyes. "Jules--"

She spun back to face him, feeling so powerless and once again, naive. "Please, Matthew..." Her voice broke, seeing his face twisted with pain. She hated how she was the very reason behind that pain tonight, but didn't know how to make it stop. "I don't want to do this, not tonight."

"Please--"

The door handle was cold against her hand, reminding her there was a whole world outside this apartment and her confusion would clear soon enough. "I can't do this, okay?" Her words tumbled from her lips, raw pain heavy in her heart. There were so many things that she wanted to say, wanted to tell him but her mind was a maze of darkness. She didn't have any words tonight, nothing that would stop her heart from aching, or his heart. "Goodbye, Matthew."

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I am sorry for the long wait, but it was an important chapter that I wanted to think out for a while and actually get perfect with what both of them are feeling right now. They're similar in so many ways, but also very different. Juliette is actually a symbol of the goodness Matthew is always clinging to and that's why he's so drawn to her, she's everything he wants to be, but that darkness within calls to him. It was a bit of a sad ending and now Juliette is torn between her values of goodness and her developing love for Matthew, so it's going to be a struggle. Also fun fact, I listened to 'How Far I'll Go' from Moana the entire time I wrote this chapter, a weird choice but no regrets  #disneygirlproblems

- tinkertaydust