Where Is She? (Steve Rogers x Reader)

Chapter 8 - Finally Alone

Steve peeked into (Y/N)'s room and knocked lightly on the door. "Honey?"

On the bed, (Y/N) opened her eyes and looked his way. She lifted one hand to gesture for him to come in. She was too tired to give more effort than that, she could barely keep her eyes open. It was hard just to hold her head up.

Steve walked slowly towards her and gave her the friendliest smile he could muster, finally pulling out a bouquet of flowers to hand to her when he got close enough. "Thank you," she said, her voice was a breaking whisper. She looked at the empty chair next to the bed.

Steve sat down and took the sight of her in. He finally really got to look at her. Her sweet face was scratched up, she had dark circles under her eyes, and there were bruises everywhere. Her skin even looked more pale than normal. She wasn't in her beautiful blue ball gown like the last day he'd seen her, she was looking small and frail, sitting up in a bed and wearing a hospital gown. His chest ached.

"Baby, you didn't eat your dinner," he said. "You have to eat."

"I know," she said, "it's just that my wrists still hurt so much, I found it hard to feed myself, especially when I'm not really that hungry to begin with."

Steve got up to sit down on the edge of her bed, folding one leg up there with him so he could sit facing her. He pulled the portable table with the food tray closer. "I'm going to help you," he said gently.

As she watched him bring a spoonful of peas towards her, she became overwhelmed with emotion thinking about Steve taking care of her. Her eyelids couldn't hold back the tears and she began to cry, she looked down. He put the spoon back and leaned forward to hug her. "Sweetheart, it's going to be alright, I promise." He squeezed tighter and pressed her face against his. He could feel her tears on his cheeks and she started to sob lightly. His heart was ripping in half. "I'm so sorry, honey. I'm so sorry for all of this. I was so worried, I was just so worried. I thought I would never see you again... I just..." Steve couldn't bring himself to go on.

Her sobs got louder and he thought she sounded like she was laughing now. He leaned back to take a look at her. "I'm sorry," she smiled, "it's just that, as much as I love it, the hug hurts a little bit. I'm sorry, I'm just so sore," she smiled. He hadn't seen that smile since the night of the gala and his heart was overjoyed. Steve put his hands on her face, leaning in close to plant a firm kiss on her lips. His breath was ragged, his heart raced. "I just love you so much, thank God you're alive," he said, between his frenzied breathing. "I don't know what I would have done without you..."

"You love me?" she asked, looking up at him in awe.

"I do," he said, leaving his hands on her face. "I love you so much." He pulled her into another embrace, this time much gentler. "I was going to tell you that night... I was going to tell you when I danced with you. We never got to dance though. I've been kicking myself ever since."

(Y/N)'s face lit up, her gears were turning. "Steve, I love you too," she said.

"It's okay, you don't have to say it because I said it, I totally—"

"No, Steve... I've loved you for a long time. I should have said something," she smiled.

Steve buried his face in her neck, holding her in his arms. "I'm never letting go," he whispered.

"Mmmm, take me home... I want to go home," she said into his shoulder. "I want to walk out of here with you."

"Ohhh," he said, "I wish I could. Not just yet, baby. But I promise I'm here, I won't leave." He sat back and looked long and hard at her. "But before we can get to that point, you have to eat." He picked the peas back up and held them in front of her, making her eat at least half of her dinner.

When she could eat no more, she held her hands up.

"You full?" he asked.

"Yeah, but also... tired." She leaned her head back on the pillow. "I'd give anything to be able to have you lay here next to me."

"I'll get this chair as close as I can," he grinned at her, pointing to the chair. He went to move off the bed but she laid her hand on his. "What is it, honey?"

"Steve, I know you probably want to talk about what happened..."

"You're tired, it doesn't have to be now," he said, rubbing her knee.

"No... I have to..." she shook her head slowly from side to side. "I haven't seen you in days and, we always talk... and I know you... you need to know."

Steve put both hands around hers and waited for her to continue. He had to give her the time if she needed it.

"I'm fine, I'm going to be fine," she said, releasing a deep breath. "They were horrible to Pepper. They beat her..." (Y/N)'s eyes glistened. "They tortured her... I think one of them even raped her," she said, starting to sob. It took her time before she could speak again. "They mostly left me alone, I don't know why, but they did. And I guess I should feel lucky but I just feel so... guilty."

"Honey..." he said breathily. He shifted himself onto the bed a little more. "You were not the prime target on this one. The man that orchestrated this, his name is Justin Hammer... he's a rival of Tony's. They have a history, He wasn't after you. I think you were a witness and so they took you along."

(Y/N) just listened quietly, watching Steve.

"It's not your fault, it's not Pepper's fault... it's not Tony's either. This was an angry man who couldn't control himself," Steve explained. "I'm sorry I couldn't get to you sooner."

"You got to me in time," she sighed and choked on her words. "He was going to..." She couldn't go on.

"So it didn't happen at all then?" he asked gently.

She shook her head quickly and looked down. Her guilt was consuming her. Steve leaned forward and put his hand on the side of her head. "Baby, it's okay. None of this is your fault." She fell forward onto him and he wrapped his arms around her. He held her a long time until she fell asleep, moving her back against the bed and quietly moving into the chair. He sat with his neck bent over sideways so he could lay his head on the bed next to her hand. The tv was on, the volume very low, but he found himself just staring into nowhere instead of watching. She was back. It was going to be a long road back to normal but she was was here, close enough to touch.

Steve was never going to let go now. He was going to take every day he had with her and make sure she knew she was loved. He looked at her laying there and longed to wrap his body around her to give her shelter and warmth, to shield her from the anguish she was going through...

But even if he could, when would that stop? - When would things go back to normal? And there it was... he didn't want things to go back to the way they were.

Steve's chest swelled and his breath caught in his throat.

He needed more.

He needed to see her in the morning, to know she'd woken up. He needed to see her at night so he could comfort her and protect her.

He needed to see her in their kitchen while they cooked dinner together.

And when he saw that, he knew it was time for more. He couldn't be without her. Ever. This is the girl I'm going to marry.

After careful thought, he understood that maybe she wouldn't be ready for marriage just yet. Especially not after what had just happened. But he was sure he wanted her. And now he thought about how he would suggest they move in together...