A Storm While The Sun is Out

Chapter 1

Ally's POV
Hi, I'm Ally Brooke, also know as the little ball of sunshine from the upcoming girl group Fifth Harmony.

Being in this group has been so much fun meeting all the fans, touring with my best friends just being around all of this energy is so enthralling. But I have a huge secret that I have been keeping for sometime now that just might shock you.

You know that cute little smile that you see on my face all the time, well it's fake. It has always been fake it's only a front that I put on for the public eye to see. My smile started to liken itself to makeup something that I would put on to look good then take off when no one was watching.
I would put it on to cover up what is really going on inside because people don't need to see how big of a disappointment I actually am. But on the bright side no one has a clue, they always see their little sunshine, their little ball of energy but after a while it on became a façade that I put on for the fans and the girls.

Over these past two years I've become severely depressed, I mean I've had depression since I was a kid  also well into my teen years but it has just come back hitting harder than ever before. Everything has just become harder to do, just thinking about certain things that I have to do makes me become unmotivated, which is sad.

But like I said nobody knows, it's like I'm a storm on a sunny day nobody expects it until it happens. Besides all of that I keep pushing, just making sure that everyone else is happy even if that means sacrificing my own mental health and happiness.

Right now I think it's going on midnight, the other girls are sound asleep in their bunks or so I think they are but whatever.
We are on our way to do a show in Kansas, I've never been there before so it should be fun getting to meet all the fans, also performing in front of a huge crowd.

Let's just hope I don't have another mental breakdown before going on stage. The last show it hit hard, I had to go into the bathroom to pull myself together before I had to face not only the crowd but the girls.

I don't want them to see me like that ever, it would be heartbreaking to me. I'm the oldest of the group therefore it's my responsibility to show the most maturity for these girls, I care about them so much, they don't need to end up like me because guess what it's is not fun being diagnosed with not only depression but anxiety too it's so stressful.

Once I was diagnosed they told me that I had to go on pills for my mental illnesses but I refuse to take them though, I can deal with my problems without having to take medicine for it. Oh yeah I also forgot to mention, my incredible insomnia, just adding on to the pile of daily struggles. It's so sad I can count how many hours of sleep that I've gotten this week on one hand, and boy let me tell you a lack of sleep shows, I'm wearing the face of death like it's a fashion statement.

This counts as another night of me being a victim of my insomnia, right now it's going on 5am but it was just midnight I swear, not once have I been to sleep tonight. Oh well guess I'll have to push through acting like nothing's wrong at all like always. I just hope that no one ever finds out about me, it would crush the girls to know the truth. That's why I keep it buried deep inside of me.

Rolling over I sigh listening to the soft snores of the other girls. I wish I could sleep like them but I haven't been to sleep in two days. It sucks having insomnia, sometimes I just want to sleep because I'm so tired but my body won't allow it.

Some day I just become a walking zombie not being able to function properly. I'm losing myself to all of my mental illnesses, I've lost myself so much that I can barely recognize myself.

My gaze is cast onto the ceiling of my bunk bed letting my thoughts wander as we travel the long road to our next tour stop. I've been laying here for a while, I think the girls are finally waking up.

Usually Lauren is the first one up she is an early bird then next Dinah but to catch Mani up this early would be a surprise.

Do I really want to leave my bunk just yet, no but.... never mind. Before even getting out I have to make sure that I can go out with the fakest brightest smile that I can possibly muster up.
I lie there for a couple more minutes I talking myself up a bit then pull back the curtain to get out of my bunk.

I fake yawn as if I was sleep all night then grab my blanket to comfortably curl up on the couch in the lounge. I walk out to see Lauren making toast while Dinah sat on her phone at the table eating cereal.

"Morning Girls" cheerfully I greet them.

"Ally!, how'd you sleep?" Dinah chirps. Ha that's a funny question, I don't know because I didn't.

"I slept fine actually what about you?" of course I lie.

"Great, I must have been super tired" Dinah replies. After talking to Dinah I go over to mess with Lauren.

"Hi Lauren" I poke her in her side.

"Hi Als" she's still groggy, Lauren might be an early riser but that doesn't mean she is a morning person.

"What about you, how'd you sleep Lo?" I make light conversation.

"Okay I guess I couldn't sleep for a little bit but eventually I fell asleep" Lauren confesses.

"Ohh well that's good"smiling at her I steal her toast.

"Allyson give me back my toast" Lauren gets really pissed.

Immediately I give it back but of course I take a bite of it first just to mess with her. She death glares me but I just return a smile.

After messing with the girls I go sit on the couch curled up in my cover. Just laying in my bed sounds better right now but then they would start asking me what's wrong, I really don't need that.

Absentmindedly I sit there, just staring off into space or whatever. There is nothing on mind in particular but with a scatter brain that has not been to sleep in the past week, this is a common side effect for me along with the hallucinating, now those are scary.

"Ally..." Someone waved their hand in front of my face. I snap my neck up looking at them, it was Normani, why is she looking at me like that? What did I do, ohh crap I blanked out again. I'm still doing it I haven't said anything say something before they become even more concerned.

"Uh...yeah" finally I respond.

"Are you okay, you don't seem like yourself?" Normani ask.

"Yeah I'm fine never better, so how'd you sleep Mani since you slept the longest like usual?" Hurriedly I change the subject.

"I slept fine for the most part, I was up for a couple of hours though" she yawns sitting down next me. I scoot over allowing room for her on the couch since I was sitting dead in the center.

"No Al come back here so we can cuddle" Normani pulls me over. I place the covers over top of us, then curl into Normani's side as she holds me.

Meanwhile Dinah and Lauren went to the back room just chatting about who knows what, we are still a ways away from the venue. I feel my eyes starting to droop for some odd reason. I haven't been to sleep in about three days, how am I finally about to fall asleep now? But then I feel something really relaxing on my back, I had not realized that Normani was rubbing small circles in my back.

It's really soothing it is actually causing me to relax. I try to fight my sleep but my body starts to shut down letting me finally sleep.

........................................................
So this is just the beginning of a crazy story I hope that you stay for the rest. ❤️

-Kam