I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

Would You Have The Guts To Say?

Frank's POV:

Two weeks passed since Gerard told me about his song. So much happened since, and I couldn't be happier. He came to my house so we could work on my song, and he was able to rewrite his song from what he remembered. We made some melody and voilà! This Is How I Disappear and Vampires Will Never Hurt You were complete!

We finally had the courage to show Ray and Mikey, and they loved it! Now, our rehearsals were even better. Playing your own songs is way cooler than playing covers. Gerard and I agreed we would try to make some more, even though I noticed that Gerard was no longer excited to keep writing. I think he took seriously what the Jocks said about his song.

At the end of the classes, I was waiting for my dad to pick me up outside the school. I had my ear buds on and was writing on my notebook, trying to make lyrics. Suddenly, someone sat by my side and took one of my ear buds.

"Enter Sandman. Nice." said Amanda.

I smiled.

"I didn't know you liked Metalica."

She shrugged.

"I'm very eclectic."

We remained in silence for a while, then she asked "What are you doing?"

I closed the notebook, immediately, by instinct. She looked surprised and a bit hurt.

"If you don't want to show me, it's fine."

I sighed.

"No, it's not that. It's just..."

I've always been insecure about my songs. It took me so much to show Gerard, even more to show the others. But something about Amanda made me feel I could trust her. Not only I knew she wouldn't mock me, but I also was sure she would be sincere.

I sighed again.

"Okay." I gave her the notebook. "Please, be sincere. But only if you like it."

She laughed and nodded. She then opened the notebook on the page I was writing.

These are the eyes and the lies of the taken

These are their hearts but their hearts don't beat like ours

They burn 'cause they are all afraid

For every one of us, there's an army of them

But you'll never fight alone

Cause I wanted you to know

That the world is ugly

But you're beautiful to me

Well, are you thinking of me now?

When she finished reading, she looked at me. I couldn't tell by her expression if she liked or not. She gave me my notebook back and remained in silence.

"...So?" I asked.

"You really wrote that, Frankie?"

I nodded.

"Wow. WOW! It's beautiful! Congratulations, I loved it, honestly!"

I smiled, blushing.

"Haha, thanks."

We stayed in silence, just staring at each other for a while.

"So..." she got closer to me, her blue eyes shining. "Did you wrote that for someone in specific?"

I looked at my notebook, thinking.

"Nah." I answered. "I just was inspired."

"Oh." She pulled back a little and pressed her back against the wall. "Too bad."

"Who would I write for, anyway?" I said, laughing. I thought she would laugh too, but she just raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah." Amanda said, sarcastically. "Who would you?"

Suddenly, I car stopped in front of us.

"That's my dad." She said, getting up.

"Bye." I commented. She left without saying anything.

That was weird. Was she mad? Did I do anything wrong? Well, I don't think I did. I shrugged and continued writing until my dad came.

In the next afternoon, me and the guys met at Gerard's garage. I was the last one to arrive.

"My hair still smells like toilet water." Said Mikey, disgusted.

"Ew. Gross. I don't think they ever put my head on the toilet." Ray commented.

"That's because your fro doesn't fit there." Gerard answered, making the three of them laugh.

"Forget about toilets, I've got good news." I said, entering the garage. They all looked at me. "I've composed another song!"

They all smiled.

"Show us!" Mikey exclaimed, instantly forgetting about the toilet hair.

I opened my notebook, still a little insecure, and showed them The World Is Ugly. They read it for a while and then looked at me.

"Wow, Frankie! This is great!" Mikey smiled.

"Yeah, dude, you rock!" Ray continued.

"It's amazing." Gerard said, softly, and gave me a little smile. He looked a bit thoughtful.

We played our songs and tried to compose some melody for The World Is Ugly during the afternoon. I noticed that Gerard wasn't paying that much attention. Why was he like that?

"You haven't composed anything new later." I told him at the beginning of the night.

He shrugged.

"I guess it was just an one time thing."

"No, it wasn't. it was a Jocks thing."

He stared at me, like he couldn't believe I had said that. But, deep inside, we both knew it was true.

"Please, don't let them bring you down like this. You have a lot of potential. Don't let a bunch of Neanderthals keep you from doing what you like."

We stared at each other for a while. Suddenly, he hugged me.

"Thanks, Frankie."

I smiled.

"Whenever you need, Gee."

Gerard's POV:

It was about 2am and I was lying awake on my bed. Since that encounter with the Jocks in the rain, I was feeling unmotivated. What they said about being superiors, ripping my song, everything. This had never let me down before because I never believed it. Why was it being different now?

Frank didn't know, and he never would, because I would never tell him, but he actually helped me a lot. And he was right, after all. I do have potential. I couldn't let them take that away from me.

I got up and got my pen and notebook. I started trying to focus on what I was feeling. Anger? Confusion? I didn't know. But i continued writing anyway.

It's unbelievable to see
We're dead flies in the summer time
They leave us all behind
With duck tape scars on my honey
They don't like who you are
You won't like where we'll go
Brother protect me now
With blood they wash in the money

You don't believe in god
I don't believe in luck
They don't believe in us
But I believe we're the enemy

This is what came out. If I liked it or I was just hallucinating from sleep deprivation, I couldn't tell. I closed my notebook and laid in bed. The last thing I thought before falling asleep was "I'm not showing that to guys yet."