Will Someone Care?

So Alone

Year two

Sonny didn't have enough money to go to college. So his hopes and dreams got put on the back burner while he struggled to find purpose within himself, keep a job and pay the bills.
Lately Pete felt like Sonny was even more ditatched then usual, because this time he couldn't blame it on school or work. He'd noticed how he came home drunk, or high of god knows what smelling like sex. To sum his feelings about this up in a few words, he's worried about his friend and the boy he may or may not have fallen in love with.
One night Sonny came home extra late, his curly hair pulled out and made longer by someone's nails. His pupils were wider than a full moon on a cloudless night, and he smelled indistinguishably like someone else's perfume. Or maybe cologne? Pete couldn't tell, nor did he care. It was late. He's worried about his friend.
Pete flicked the lights on as soon as the door slammed open. "Have a fun night?" He asked, sarcastically.
"Ve-ry~" Sonny hiccuped, definitely drunk off his ass. Pete rolled his eyes, scowling at his friend.
"Why are you coming home drunk man?" Pete asked, his eyebrows furrowed up. "You know how I feel about that kinda thing."
"It doesn't- it doesn't matter. None of this matters." Sonny slurred, shutting the door behind himself.
"You shouldn't say shit like that man. You're really not acting like yourself lately and I'm worried." Pete huffed, his arms crossed over his chest, attempting to put a dominate foot forward but his affections for his friend taking control more so than his head.
"Why do you care?"
"Because I'm your friend, Sonny. Friends care about each other."
"No you don't. No one- no one cares about me." Sonny stumbled, trying to make it to their shared room. Pete pulled him by the shoulder.
"Who do you think I am Sonny? I love you, you're my dude."
"Well then you- you need to find- to get someone more gullible because I'm not that stupid." Sonny sung the last part out, pushing Pete off him drunkenly.
"Don't say that Sonny." Pete grit his teeth and warned.
"Whyyyy~? Cause- cause it's true? You don't care!"
"Stop it!" Pete threw him back, and away from himself.
"You don't care and no one cares about me! Because I'm the biggest piece- piece of ungrateful shit t-t-that the world has ever seen!"
"I care Sonny!" Pete shouted back louder. "You can't just project your abandonment issues about Usnavi on me!"
"Don't talk- don't talk about him!" Sonny shouted angrily, clenching his fists. "He left, he's dead to me!"
"Well obviously you still care about him enough to pretend that no one else could possibly care about you just because he doesn't! Well tough luck kiddo!"
"Don't call me kiddo!" Sonny pushed Pete hard, knocking him back a bit.
"Why don't you just fucking listen for once you fucking idiot?! I love you Sonny! I fucking love you! Even when you go out, even when you come home piss drunk and even more nihilistic then you were! And goddamn it how hard is it to believe I want what's best for you?! Which is not trying to hide party drugs in my own fucking bathroom!"
"Fuck you Peter!" Sonny sobbed out pushing Pete, who was trying to hold him so he wouldn't wreck the place, away.
A brawl then ensued. Sonny got a few good blows in, but Pete was both bigger and stronger so it didn't end up well for him. Considering the already mildly broken, but repairable coffee table is now broken into two pieces. They continued to wrestle on the floor beside it. It was already over but he was continuing to give it the good old American try.
"Get away from me!" Sonny panted out and yelped, squirming underneath Pete. Sonny started to sob as he struggled, his body eventually giving out.
Pete had only realized what he'd done after he'd done it. He didn't mean to hurt Sonny, his best friend, but he had. All because he cared and he thought he was doing the right thing. It's always the wrong thing to care. He carefully scooped the limp boy up and into his lap. Slowly rocking him while he cried into his chest. Not only did his face hurt, he felt numb and sad.
"I'm so sorry." He whispered into his younger friend's ear over and over again.
"I-I feel so alone." Sonny whimpered out, crying.
"It's okay. I love you."
"I l-love you too." Sonny sniffled, clenching onto Pete's tank top.
Sonny pulled his face from the crook of Pete's neck and pressed his lips against his friends. The front door swinging wide open. It was Vanessa. She was out of breath and worried because she thought someone had broken into the apartment above. She didn't know what she'd planned to do if there had been a burglar, but she really didn't expect to run in on Sonny and Pete kissing.
"Next time can the both of you be a little quieter? Or like gimmie a warning that you're about to violently make out?"
Pete almost jumped out of his skin, and tossed Sonny off him. "It's not what it looks like! I swear!"
"Yeah, yeah. Then Sonny, go take a shower and get some clean clothes. Pete help me cleanup your mess and tell me what the fuck happened."
"Okay Momnessa." Sonny got up and went off to go follow Vanessa's orders.
As soon as Sonny was out of sight she turned her attention toward Pete.
"What the fuck happened? Also, why do you have a busted lip?"
"We- got into a fight."
"That ended up with your tongues in each other's mouths?"
"I didn't do that! He's drunk off his ass."
"I can see that Pete. Normally drunk people don't kiss the people they just fought."
"He- I don't know how to explain it..." Pete huffed out, rubbing his blackening eye.
"Well start over from the beginning while I help you clean up."
Pete caught her up on what had happened that night, tossing broken bottles and stray nails, and other asorted pieces trash into a big black garbage bag. The floor had a thin layer of dust on it from the table snapping in half. They cleaned it up pretty quickly so they stepped outside.
"... And I just lost control. I felt like I was my dad, but worse. He was just under me and crying, with his nose bleeding. Reminded me of me..."
"While what you did was wrong, it's not entirely your fault, and you're different from your dad because you feel bad. So don't even try and draw that comparison."
"Thanks Nessa."
"Good luck Pete. I'll go talk to Sonny. Night."
"Night." His legs were swung over the fire escape, he didn't turn to watch her go back inside.
She left after a little while, most the lights in the apartment going out. Sonny came out a bit after that. He was wearing a loose hoodie, and looked like he'd sobered up a bit. He sat down beside him, looking down at the sleepy streets below their feet. Cars whizzing by.
"I'm sorry." Sonny started, clearing his throat a little. "About earlier..."
"It's okay." Pete shrugged it off, not looking at his friend, or whatever he was now.
"It's not."
"We could pretend it is." Pete ran his hand over his head. He hadn't shaved it in a while so their was evidence of his coily black hair growing.
"I've been pretending things are okay when they weren't for too long." Pete finally looked at his longtime friend. "I haven't felt okay in... a long time." Sonny sighed a bit.
Pete wrapped his hand around Sonny, placing it on his shoulder. "I just, don't know who I am or what I'm doing, and I just want it to all stop because everything's just moving so fast. Everything just feels so far away and fake, and I just wanna feel real even if its for a few hours and know that I should probably get help but I don't wanna burden anyone with my problems because then they might leave and I don't wanna be alone I just-" Sonny babbled out, getting a little choked up.
   Pete pulled him close while Sonny cried quietly into Pete's shoulder. "I know you miss him. You're not the only one who does. You can talk to me Sonny okay. Look at me." Sonny looked up relectantly at his friend. "Okay?"
   "Okay..." Sonny nodded quietly.
   "Nothing you could ever say or do would ever make me abandon you. I'll always be around for you." Pete promised quietly. Sonny nodded. There was a comfortable, understanding silence for a little while.
   "Pete?"
   "Yeah?"
   "I'm sorry-"
   "I already said it was okay."
   "For kissing you."
   "Oh." Pete turned a little pink remembering it. He would like if his friend liked him that way but he'd much rather not start out a relationship or any hopes of one based off a drunk kiss. "Just uh- next time try and kiss me when you're not piss drunk or right after we've had a fight." Pete shrugged.
   "Okay." Sonny nodded a little, pecking Pete's lips swiftly before walking back inside.
   Pete sat outside for the rest of the night. Touching his lips while his face continued to be embarrassingly red in color.