Beautiful |ˈbyoōtəfəl|
Adjective
Pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically
• of a very high standard; excellent, fashionable, glamorous, and privileged, an ideal of physical beauty
I had written it on my wall.
When I had first looked it up, the actual definition had surprised me. When someone thinks... beautiful, what comes to the mind? Is it something that is soothing, or pleases your body? Or do you see a person.
For me, I see a girl; she's perfect, and I want to be her so bad, it hurts... not so pleasing. I am not ugly. But I find it very hard to find myself desirable. My hair won't grow past my shoulders, and it is very thin. I have hair so light, it's almost white, and I don't like it. I am short, which makes my body look fat, all the time.
I don't tan, I sunburn, and my eyes are grey, not blue.
It was my first day of high school, and I wasn't ready. I tried to curl my hair a bit - against its will, and was going to wear a loose-fitting sweater. When I walked out onto my driveway and into the road towards my school, I anticipated nothing. I wasn't planning on being re-invented, or re-stereotyped. Too many people expected some life-altering thing to happen on their first day of high school. Bull.
The cold bit at my heels mercilessly, and I was re-thinking the flats I had chosen. It was abnormally cold for the end of summer, especially in Ohio.
I don't have friends, or even one best friend, I lost them in the last year of middle school.
"Shay? I don't think we really have anything in common anymore... I think you should find different people to hang out with. People who are more like you." Alison spoke for the four girls in my group, and I listened, as did they. I knew what they were saying, with Alisons words and the girls silence. They had been hinting at how my weight was going up, and I didn't have a boyfriend, and I wouldn't go shopping with them. I had seen it coming.
It still hurt.
Alison was beautiful, she wasn't the girl I thought of when I heard the word; but she was obviously gorgeous. Her Honey blonde hair fell to the middle of her back, and she wore it in long waves. She had a golden body, and was thin, but not bony. Alison was kind of slutty, not in the way that she slept around, but in how she was so popular with all of the guys, she was never exclusive. The other girls: Blake, Carli, Paige, and Loren were average-pretty. Blake was a volley-ball girl, she was toned, and thin, but her muscle made her larger. She had medium-short brown hair, which was normally in a pony-tail. Her face was what really made her, she had an angel-like glow about her, and big Hazel eyes. Carli had Black hair that was curly in a relaxed way, she was faerie-like in her body size, and carried herself in fluid, dance- like movements that fell together gracefully. Paige had thin, short-ish hair like me, but it was darker blonde. She was tall, and all legs; delicate looking. Loren was the smart one who had a straight, sleek bob; it was a caramel brown. She had a few curves, but not like me. I was the odd one out if there ever was one. I didn't belong, I had been too blind to realize it.
I had also been too blind to realize that they would be the rulers of the freshman and sophomores. I carried my bag on my shoulder, walking through the halls shyly, until I came upon them. They had clearly rehearsed their four-across in-synch power-catwalk through the school. Their hair was blowing slightly, and their eyes were facing the world as the student body parted like the red sea. I reached up a small hand to half-wave to them. I got no answer, not a look, not a blink.
I was nothing.
