My truth

Part 1 my deppretion

Hhhh okay where do I start at this moment in time I feel happy but so so upset and angry and irritated. Why do I feel like this I have no idea. I have therapy every 3 weeks it helps so much but I can't help feel like this iv not had this feeling in so long iv been great but the past 3-4 weeks I'm okay but.... I feel like I want to kill my self witch I want so bad butt ... I don't I want to stay I want to have fun I want to grow up but I have that feeling it will only go to a few years left I try stay away from all depression stuff even photos but I feel like I need to talk about it even if it's weighting if over my phone it's something. It's something a random person I won't meet will see this.

I can't say my life is shit and stuff like that because it's not that bad I have a family I love and a boyfriend I love and a few friends that are great but it's just me I don't like myself at all I might say I do but I don't. I sometimes wish I could just be asleep all the time so I do t have to wake up ever only wen I want to recently iv been okay getting up because I get to talk and see someone I really have feelings for........ that's for the next chapter.

Self harm what the duck do I say about that ..... I haven't done it in so long witch it's great but I can't help but want to do it. It sounds crazy and don't judge me on this because if you like me you will understand but wen I have cut my self in the past I do it because I don't like my self but I also live the feel of the cuts after it's done I no it's bad to do it but I love it. It makes me feel better in a way witch is crazy but ... it's my life and my thoughts so you can't judge me.

Sometimes I cry out of the blue and I have no idea way and wen I feel like this it's like every single emotion there is I'm feeling it like happy angry sad hopeful. It's the wiredest feeling ever and I fucking hate it so much and I have no idea how to cope with it.

I know I hate my life sometimes but sometimes it dose get better so if your feeling like this go get help you might no want it I no I didn't but you need it.
And by the way if tryed to kill my self it's not a good idea. Think of who you have in your life. Everything has a meaning trust me .