Monster | Phan

Phil 08: Party

Phils POV: 

"So, tonight I'm going to a party. I probably won't be back until late but that's okay... high school parties are meant to go on longer than primary school ones," I spoke to myself as I drew what I was hoping to look like tonight.
I had drawn myself in a Van Helsing style costume. The cape swooping in the wind, a cool hat placed on my head to give me a little more edge. I shaded everything in darkly before dropping my pencil and looking out the window with a sigh.
"I hope tonight is fun," I whispered.
I looked behind me just to be sure I was definitely alone in my room. I like to imagine I'm talking to my parents when I'm speaking out loud but that's just a fake reality I've tried to build up. I usually spoke to them about good news or when I was worried about something – things you're supposed to talk to your parents about but also things I never really spoke to Art and Brielle about. I never really did talk to them much. It's weird how little a part of their family I actually am. I don't quite know where I belong at all. I watch people experience their lives, I see the beauty in that. The interactions, the smiles; all of which I can capture in a flick on my brush or the scribble of my pencil but none that I can replicate myself. A part of me wished I could fit in easily but I've never quite figured out how to do that.

Tonight, I could change that, if I really tried but I wasn't the kind of person to want to change myself to fit in. I was the weird shy guy that drew. That was me and that was all I was going to be known as. Except, it was Halloween so maybe I didn't have to change myself forever. Just for one night I can be Van Helsing, vampire hunter! Not Phil Lester... I can't even think of a title for me, I'm just Phil Lester and that's all there is to it. I fixed the outfit before standing back and looking at myself in the mirror. I was surprised to see the person looking back at me. My family and I always went as a particular cliché outfit – doctors, monsters, animals, whatever you're thinking we've probably dressed up as that. The last year we ever went trick or treating, the last time I ever went trick or treating, we went as vampire hunters. It was a lot of fun, actually, but I'd since outgrown my costume. With a few tweaks and add-ons the costume I was wearing actually looked good. It was weird, seeing myself in my parent's outfit but a sense of calm washed over me. I swore I could still smell my mother's perfume wafting through the air every time I swished my cape but that was probably just me reminiscing. My dad's outfit was still too big but maybe one day I could wear it. My dads was the same as mums except my mums had a better badge, it looked golden and less tacky. "Headhunter" was engraved on the badge, light shone across each letter when you moved it. A thin line of it gracing the badge and making it light up in the most beautiful way. Sometimes I wished my eyes could take photos so I could keep the memories of beautiful things forever and show people exactly what I'm seeing. Instead, I would just have to remember and try to recreate the beauty on paper. Before I could think of the way the lines would look on the page and how I could perfectly recreate the light shining across, I heard a car horn outside.

The party was on the other side of town so it was lucky PJ's brother knew how to drive and could take us all there in his car. Chris, unsurprisingly, was already in the back with Peej and, as if by some unspoken rule, I opened the passenger side door and left the two of them in the back. I never usually spoke to PJ's brother but that was mostly because he did most of the talking. He spoke to me the entire way to the party.
"Nice outfit," he commented as I clicked my seatbelt into place, careful not to catch my cape.
"Thanks."
"You a werewolf hunter?" He asked, slowly pulling out of my drive and onto the stretch of road. He looked at me for a brief second and smiled.
"Vampire, actually."
"Same difference." He laughed; a deep chuckle more like. "You know once I went as a werewolf hunter and this sexy Neko girl came up to me, ears and all, and asked me to..." I stopped listening.
I wasn't expecting to swoon some Neko girl tonight and do whatever Jack did, something involving the tail. I wasn't expecting to swoon anyone tonight.
"It was wild af! Look, pal." He tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention. "If you find yourself a Neko guy tonight, go. For. It! They know how to give you a good time."
We were outside the party now which turned out to be flats, probably occupied by University students. There were lights on in every room and the loud beat of house music filled the air. The door was open and we made our way into the flat.
People were everywhere.
On the stairs. Coming out of rooms that weren't big enough to hold them. Each with a cup of alcohol in hand - not in red solo cups like I'd thought (I'd seen enough American films to think that) but instead it was a clear plastic cup. PJ walked further into the flat and motioned at us to follow him. I bumped into so many people before eventually, PJ found what he had been looking for... the drinks. There were bottles and cans laid out on a table in the kitchen and PJ thrusting me a can of some lager. I was too busy staring at the people coming in too close and the fast beat of the music to really care about what I was drinking. I took a large gulp of the lager and pulled a face, it was bitter. I kept drinking it anyway and so did Chris and PJ. 

After half an hour of dancing, I put the half-full solo cup onto the side and told PJ and Chris I was going to the bathroom. I took a quick breather and looked at myself in the mirror. The low light just made the dark circles under my eyes more prominent but I guess it worked well with the dark costume design. I looked closer and saw undertones of purple underneath the black, like a bruise but much more subtle. I always found there was a sense of beauty in such subtle colours. A beauty you can only see when you look close enough. On me, though, I don't think it's very beautiful at all. The purple too harsh, the black too dominant against my pale skin. I splash cold water on my face and take a few deep breaths before I feel ready to face the party again. I'm not used to such a busy atmosphere. So many people, so much I wished I could draw but I knew I couldn't. I had to enjoy this without a pencil and paper and that was near impossible for me. It was only made worse when I walked into the room where I had left Chris and PJ to discover that they were no longer there.  I searched the room but couldn't see them so I began to search the rest of the house. I finally came to the conclusion they were making out somewhere and had abandoned me. Someone handed me a shot, I didn't know who and I'd never had one before but the mix of colours was so fascinating and the feeling inside me was so strong and painful that I just took the shot. The vodka slid down my throat like fire. The aftertaste somehow refreshing as it sent sparks alight in my stomach and travelled into my mind.
Another shot.
Then another.
Beauty can lead you to leaving your friend at a party. 
Beauty can lead you to downing liquids until your head feels woozy. 
Beauty can make you walk up to the cute guy dressed up like a werewolf. 
Beauty can make you think it's a good idea to talk to the cute guy. 

AN: 
Hey! I'm back and feeling... just wow. University is amazing. I've met SO many awesome people here and made so many friends despite my anxiety. I've also fallen for a guy... which is probably a story for another time but is something that won't be leading anywhere anytime soon '^^
But yeah, Creative writing is the BEST course ever and I recommend it to anyone interested in writing! Sorry for slow updates, hoping to get back on track with fic writing from here on out
~ Ray x