EXTANT FOR ETERNITY.

LAST BREATH

As life goes on your absence still abides in my life. You had the chance, a resplendent joyful one of seeing me brought into this world by your sister. I guess you smiled radiantly, giggled a little and even teased her after she zoned out in exhaustion. You were all smiles an happy. I was born.

I had a chance too. Contrary to to yours. An agonizingly harrowing chance of watching you take your last breath. As I stood there, helplessly an image was being forever crafted in my head. the last image of you that to date wets my eyes whenever I recall how painful it was. You were struggling to breathe, you feet turned cold as your body sweated. An oxymoron one would think, does it happen that way? Pangs of death! I wish the pleasure of recalling could be taken from me. Hands-tied I watched as death sucked you dry. It still hurts in a way I can’t explain, I trail on haggardly as I repress on the distressing event that still breaks my already shattered heart into pieces.

I want to live within the rush of primal, intuitive decision but again I want to sit down and contemplate. You were and still are my mother’s second mother, her favorite sister and my amazing mother. You were more than an Aunt to me. I always called you Mum, that would never cease cause I didn’t lose an Aunt, I lost a mother, and you will for eternity remain my mum.

I painfully lost you. painfully. Agonizingly. Adjectives would still fall short for how devastated I was. half of me is filled with pain that I would like to take out of my system…feelings turned to words to exactly explain how distressed it still is. on the other hand I painfully shy off drafting them to give an insight of how shaken and altered my life is. this is the messiness of my life. I carry multitudes but manage to sit in shifts. Praise be unto the Almighty, I achieve equilibrium by understanding.Nobody taught me this, not even in schools do they teach how to grief.

I grief to cease grieving, I understand it is Almighty’s will and to Him is our ultimate return and you are in a better place now. Your last words to me was an order! ‘Go pray! I am fine!’ I left your room smiling, ‘I came in to ask her how she was doing,mama chased me to pray instead’ I remember telling my siblings who inquired about my visit to your place. Little did I know then that those were your last words to me. Looking back, I smile amidst my tears. it hurts and comforts simultaneously. Your words created a room just for you in my prayers, permanent never ending always persuasive prayers for you mum. Inn Shaa Allah, I pray your grave is wide enough and scented with pure breeze of Jannah and Inn Shaa Allah we re-unite in Jannah.

I lost you mum, and that altered my life forever, but in this heartbroken broken heart that doesn’t seal back, you’ll forever live.

Rest in Peace Ma’.. Never forgotten always missed.

Te Quiero Ma’.