Unloving You

Unloving You: Chapter Seven

"Chapter Seven: Sparks and Memories"

If not for the principal, we would have stayed like that for years.

Me staring at him, him staring at me. It was like a contest and not one of us wanted to back down. I would've died there of sadness. Therefore, I would admit that the principal, Dr. Fynn, practically saved my life.

"Ah, Miss Matthews, it is an honour to have you back in my school. Are you okay with your buddy? He is our top scorer here in Stone," Dr. Fynn told me.

Logan and I shook our heads slightly. I blinked a couple of times before standing up and shaking hands with Dr. Fynn.

"Yes, I'm sure that he will be of  help to me here," I forced a smile, which probably looked real enough to fool them both.

But I was wrong. The prinicipal smiled and headed to the other students. But I was too naive to even think that Logan would buy that fake smile. We both stooped down and reached for my phone, making our hands touch.

Sparks began tingling my skin. I could feel his breath near me and I thought I could just die before him.I reluctantly looked at him and saw that he was looking at me. The way he used too. The way he always did. Like nothing happened between us.

But I knew something had changed. His eyes were eerily darker than before. It used to be a cerulean blue, but now it looked like indigo.

He gripped my hand and I thought for a second that his eye color changed back. I might have looked like I was going to cry since he removed his hands from mine, stood up and cleared his throat.

I took a deep breath did the same and held out my hand to shake his.

"H-hi," I stuttered. I tried to smile my fake smile and acted normal. This was what I wanted, right? "M-my name's Claire. Claire Matthews."

"I know," the way he said it sent shivers down my spine. At that moment I almost believed that nothing did change. Almost.

But I remember the way he said his last words to me. How it caused me so much pain. How I cried night after night, hearing them again and again.

'Let's meet up?' Logan said.

He called me at lunch break on the last day of school. He doesn't ever do that since it was our routine. I wondered why he needed me there. We promised to see each other at our breaks. So why call?

'Of course! Is there something wrong?' I was worried. For weeks now, he had been acting weird. He grips my hand tighter. Hugs me tighter and kisses me every now and then. It was like he was preparing for the end. That can't possibly be it, right?

'I'll tell you later,' I was about to reply but then cut me off saying, 'You know I love you right? But I just wanted to tell you. I love you. So much. Okay?'

He ended our call there. Something was really wrong. I told Jordan and Rosa that I really had to leave. I held in my tears so they wouldn't worry.

I started to cry in the hall way as I ran towards the wall. I climbed up and headed to the cafe.

A block away, I saw him fidgeting. He never does that. I saw his back hunch, different from the way he held his body. I knew something was wrong, I just can't point out what.

His back was turned towards me, and I just hugged him from behind. His breath hitched and he held my hands tight. I thought everything was okay. Now that we were together, everything would be fine.

He removed my hands from his waist. He turned around and looked at me in the eye. I thought he was going to cry. His eyes held so much pain that I just couldn't bear to look. I looked down as he reached to grab me by the hand.

I was distracted but I was right. He really was preparing for the end. I saw something move behind the cafe, as if watching us. But as Logan held my eyes with his, I wouldn't dare to look away. This may be the last time I'll get to see those blue eyes.

I was prepared for this. Maybe I unconsciously waited for the end too. Those weeks we spent laughing and joking around, I knew it was going to want something in return. But as he dropped my hand and said those words, I couldn't think of anything that could possibly hurt me so damn much.

"I don't love you anymore."

···

The orientation was done. The buddies were asked to show us around like a tour guide. I should probably feel awkward and act like I'm angry, but I couldn't contain my happiness in seeing him again.

"So... uh, this is the Main Hall, which I guess you already know, huh?"

We walking down the hall, with only the two of us, since it only 7 AM. I was walking behind him and I noticed that his shoulders were broader. The school uniform suited him really well. I could tell that he got taller. His hair grew a tad bit longer and he removed his ring on his eyebrow.

After a second or so I replied, "Yeah. Not a lot has changed in two years, I guess."

I 'oomfed' as he stopped, making me run into him. I leaned a bit against him but stepped away again. I rubbed my nose.

He turned around, sighed and said, "A lot of things had changed since you-..."

He didn't continue what he was going to say. I wanted him to, though. I want to know how he felt. What he's thinking. I want to feel his heart beat against me.

But wasn't I the one who said that if we would meet, we should just pretend to be strangers? Then why do I feel so miserable right, now? I did it to save him. But I want him to realize that first. I need him to realize that.

My anger at myself grew and I just couldn't keep it. I couldn't keep my sadness. I can't do this.

I miss you, is what I want to say. But I didn't.

I love you, is what I need to say. But I couldn't.

"How can you say that? 'Let's pretend not to know each other', remember my words? You agreed! You freaking agreed!

I did that because you told me you didn't love me anymore. How can I possibly see you as a friend? And know you just come sauntering in my life again telling me that a lot has changed since that day. Who's fault do you think was that?"

I shouted at him as a tear or two fell from my eyes. I sighed and walked away. Leaving him running his hands through his hair, clenching his jaw.

Near the exit of Main Hall, I winced as I heard him punch the wall. I stopped in my tracks and listened. He kept punching the wall and I whispered,  'Please, stop.' It was loud enough to let him hear me. He stopped, and the pain I felt inside lessened.

I still get hurt when he is. I remember the way I felt the pain in my shoulder when he got into an accident. The way I would run and skip class when I felt my gut drop.

I'd run towards his school and I'd see him in the infirmary, smiling at me as if waiting for me to come. He knew I'd go to him.

I stepped down the stairs of Main Hall, leaving him in the dim hall way, alone. But only one thought was left at the back of my mind.

Not once did I hurt myself from accidents, but could he have felt my pain when I left him?