The Date (Magnolia Grove #2)

Chapter 5 - {Cammie}

WITH EVERY WORD Holden says, it's like I'm being stoned...to death. My chest is tightening. It's taking everything in me to keep from letting all the tears escape. His words loop in my mind. All I did was act the part that everyone expected because I didn't give a fuck what anyone else thought about me other than you. And I'd already lost you.

"Is that some kind of dig?"

He shrugs. "It's the truth. You care about what people think, and I couldn't give two shits."

I've missed him, but in a way I feel like I don't even know him. He never talked like this when we were close. I guess we both got cynical and foulmouthed after we realized we weren't invisible, the world wasn't perfect, and the people we trust can hurt us the most. "You can't tell me you haven't considered staying with Oliver to save face despite the fact he's gay and you're not happy."

"You don't know I'm not happy." Everything in me starts to boil, rising to the top and lifting away the heaviness.

He laughs, but it unnerves me because it's not sincere. "You are not happy. I knew you once when you were, and you're not now."

I point at him. "Knew being the key word there."

"Pfft. Please. I know you. I think I established that last night." He turns and stares me down, his lids heavy and those blue orbs almost black from his pupils being so dilated.

"Speaking of last night. You still couldn't save me from humiliation all these years later. So, maybe you were right about one thing."

He smirks. "You're wrong, tigress."

Looking at him is so easy. So, so easy. And so is talking to him, even about hard stuff. Did I just hear him right? "Excuse me?"

"It's me." He winks. When I answered the phone and he said it's me and then I said excuse me. That time when he became one of my two mes. Everything keeps going back to that conversation on the phone, that time at my house, that date or whatever it was to play laser tag, and the stupid pool. "Damn." He sighs. "I wish I could go back and rewind time."

"That's what I wished for when Brody threw that fake ass snake at me."

He chuckles.

I giggle.

"His nose—" We both say it at the same time.

Holden's Adam's apple bobs, and I bite my lip because I can't help it. I want to run my tongue across his neck. I have wanted that since last night when we were in this room together. But it didn't feel right, and for some reason, now it does. His eyes never leave mine. His hands squeeze my legs, and I wonder if it's taking him as much restraint as it is me to not pounce and finally release all the years of unparalleled want and desire.

"Holden..." My core is throbbing. I should break up with Oliver first. But didn't we pretty much do that last night? It was clear we were over. I've got a choice to make. I can either do just what Holden suggested I wanted to do, what everyone expects me to probably do, and stay with Oliver to keep from bringing more shame and scandal to my family. Or I can do what Holden did, but better. I can just not give a fuck about anyone. The difference between him and me will be that I won't ditch him. Why didn't he see that defeated his whole purpose? That he should have swept me off my feet just to piss everyone off? I'll do it for us. It'll be just us for once—like we both should have done before—but were too young and confused.

Everything's on the table now. There's no confusion.

There's what I should do.

Then, there's what I want.

His grip tightens, but damn, I need more time to think this through. My chest is rising and falling so fast, it's like I've just run a marathon. "Cam..." he groans.