One-Shots

Submerged

There are some times where I just love crying. Is that weird? Just think about it for a second – no, feel it! Feel your chest crunch up into a stone lodged in your neck. Can you move it? If you can, you're not trying hard enough! You'll know you're doing it right when you feel the stones behind your eyes. You'll get this terrible scratching behind your eyelids before you finally drop the waterworks.

I know, I know, it can hurt a lot, but don't you feel it? Just focus for a moment. Feel that gripping sensation back where your chest originally ruptured? Isn't it great? It's almost like your grabbing onto your last bit of hope. Who knows what that hope is for – or hell, where it's from – but its there!

I don't mean to get all emotional and 'deep' with you. I personally hate doing that. Being deep is what young teenage girls do on their Facebook wall with quotes they don't even understand. But there's nothing wrong with that, I suppose. It's growing up.

I remember Elementary school where growing up meant making it to summer. For me there was a little more to it than just 'summer.' I looked forward to participating in the local swim-team. Roslyn Dolphins. I shit you not, that was our team name. I'm already aware of being the most stereotypical swim-team name, but feel free to make snide comments about it anyway.

I always forgot to put on Sunscreen and would end up with extreme cases of second degree sunburn, but I still loved diving into her mystical body head first. She welcomed me into her stark blue world as the dry earth coveted our newfound relationship. I twisted and turned inside of her as she pushed me from left to right. It was a dance of the most pure love.

I don't mean to sound so intimate, but for me to describe it any other way would tarnish the beauty and majesty of our relationship. Each day I'd show up to her and watch as she waved in my direction, taunting me, saying things like, "You wish you could swim in me all the time!" More often than not, she would remind me that even if I wanted to, I couldn't stay under her protection for longer than a few seconds. She would laugh as I breached the surface gasping for precious air. I have to say, every now and then I found it funny too. There were times, however, when I sat with my feet swishing back and forth in her cold warmth, wondering to myself what the joke was.

She helped me win many races, and in return, I spent more time enjoying all she had to offer. I invited friends over to show her off, I was proud of her. We both accomplished something big when I reached the other side of the pool, so I couldn't help but be proud. She would glare back at them in embarrassment, brightly blushing. I'd look at her to re-assure her that we did well – really well.

Years passed and I was too old to participate in the local swim team. Well, that's what I'd like to say, but there were swim teams for all designated ages. I still regularly attended the pool, but I ceased to swim competitively. She and I proved our worth. We showed the world that our bond was stronger than any other, and consistently showed it race after race. Now we basked in the sun together, enjoying each other's company in the hot summer air.

I have to say that I missed working with her, but she knew it wasn't really my thing anymore. Hanging out with friends down at a local pizzeria or getting together for long hikes seemed to occupy my time. It was hard to swing by her to see how she was doing, and considering she was only open for the summer, our relationship would always be stunted between fall and spring. It was hard to keep up with her and how she was doing. It wasn't like we were completely cut-off. A cold rain was the sky telling me she was keeping well, and the dry earth beneath my feet would tell me how she was struggling during hard times, but I never felt afraid for her. I knew she was strong, that's why we were able to win so many races.

I went by one time, late at night. I was out of high school by this point. I looked down at her calm waves as the trees blushed in embarrassment – how scandalous this meeting was! The moon gleamed off of her ripples. She was growing old, but that seemed to happen to the both of us. I bent down and put my arm deep into her and swished around. She waved all over the place as if I startled her awake. I chuckled a little and allowed myself to fall forward into her. I let her take me in as my clothes pulled me towards the bottom. I opened my eyes and looked at her. The stars above shown through her, making the water shine in all directions. In her age I found beauty.

I twisted and turned as she pushed and pulled. It felt wonderful to be home again. I kicked and pushed as she punched and pulled. We danced for what felt like forever.

I was met with a pang in my side as I realized I was underwater for too long. I rushed to the top, gasping for air. We laughed for a moment before I swam to the side to rest my arm against the edge. I smiled and stuck my head under the water for a moment, shaking it around. I felt reborn.

I stayed in her for what felt like hours. I just sat there and thought about what was keeping me from her. No matter how much I loved her, I will always need the air to live. I need her love, but her love can't keep me alive. What was I to do?

I put my head under one last time before climbing out. She grabbed at my clothes and pulled me back in. I let her punch and kick, push and pull me around. I let her tear me apart and push me to the bottom. I looked up to the sky and saw the bright moon amplified by her waves. She couldn't let go, not again.

I shut my eyes and felt my side kick in. I needed air or else I was going to die. Was that so wrong? Was it wrong for me to reject one need for the other? I was going to die eventually, it was only a matter of what need was more important, right? Of course, in all my quick thinking, I knew if my priorities were in the right place, I may have been able to avoid this entirely.

I pressed my hands against the floor and pushed up, breaching the water slowly. There was no laughter this time. She held me there for some time while I let her know my decision. I climbed out and sat beside her. I started to get that crunched up, rupturing feeling in my chest as I felt stones against my eyelids. I pressed just my head underwater and let out a large cry. She sulked along with me.

I got up and gave her one last wave, but she had returned to her soft movements. I left with stones in my eyes, but with that in mind, I felt like there was something pure in me that I hadn't known before. I tugged at it to see what it was, knowing full well that it was higher than I anticipated. The climb was terribly difficult, but I knew the drop below was much worse. I gripped at the hope in my heart to keep me from falling again. It felt pure, it felt powerful, and it felt like love.

I turned back and looked at her again. She waved.