Of Crossroads And Impasse

because of you... I am afraid

I am quite afraid with idea of love

But then I met Keith while I was in high school, we are too opposite person he's was the famous one since he's part of the school's varsity team while I am just a regular student who spends her extra time reading novels not like what other would do.

It happened when I was in the school's garden reading a novel while it was our recess time, he suddenly approached me out of nowhere asking me to be friends with him which I find odd but I just let him and it's quite ridiculous for me

For days he would just sit at the opposite of the bench without nothing to do, and it bothers me so much but I refused to do anything about it since it was none of my business

After a few more days, I was getting used to his presence that we eventually started talking to each other that we found some things we're quite similar with and I did enjoy those moments with him

It was like I found a best friend with him, but sometimes he does some sweet things, like this one time that a novel that I really wanted to buy and it was selling like hot pancakes and I was really sad that I didn't get a copy for myself, but I was surprised when he gave me a copy of it that he bought it himself that he waited in line for hours just to get it for me, that made my heart skip a beat. It was like I'm feeling something different about him, I didn't want to make things awkward for us that I ignore it but he did another sweet thing for me when valentine's day come up and we went to watch a movie that I really liked and after since he knows how much I love view of the cliff and we went there it was such a magical moment that when I looked at him it was like I saw him in another light

The promenade was two weeks away and I wasn't really going since those things are not my scene but he made me go and I was quite nervous but then he hold my hand and it made feel a lot better, that I got to feel a lot more confident.

That night it was magical I never thought it would be such a memorable night, it was because he made it and I didn't when he confessed that he was falling in love with me, and I said yes to him courting me

He made true to his words he made me feel his love and I am fooling myself it I deny that what I was feeling back then is going deeper and deeper. I gave my yes on his birthday and on that day it feels like every day was a wonderful day

Our senior year is almost ending and we are getting ready for college year, I am happy that we are going in the same university, but he's gonna take up Engineering while I'm gonna take up Business Administration

Before college starts we decided to go on a out-of-town road trip, and it was one of the best weekend that I would remember

When the semester start we find time to spend with each other it wasn't easy but we did make it happen. On our semestral break we go to an out of town trip this time we went to his province where we stayed for two days and made me know his roots more. After that our second semester has started it, we became much more busier than we were.

But it came to the point that we didn't speak for a week and it was kinda strange because it was so odd for him, I was so worried because I can't even contact him. So I decided to go to his apartment

I just got out of the cab, then I saw him outside talking with a girl and it seems like they are in a fight

'Ava I told you that night was just a mistake I have a girlfriend that I love so much'

'well then fuck you Keith! you are just like every guy I know!'

'I am really sorry, you can find someone who will love you'

'whatever jerk!' I couldn't believe what I was hearing

He was standing there when he looked around and saw me while I was just there standing, I realized my body started shaking, he slowly walked towards me

'Who is she? What is she talking about?'

'Love it was nothing'

'no it was nothing, stop lying to me! Did-did you cheat on me?' his silence already answered it for me 'why? Why did you do it?'

'it was just a mistake'

'if it was a mistake you shouldn't have done it' 

'please love'

 I didn't know where I got to strength to walk away from him, but I did 'no don't dare to follow me'

That night I cry myself to sleep, thinking why I did I have to go through this? did I do something wrong? am I not enough?

I realized that I was building my world around him, that I forget what I wanted to do but I am not blaming me him because it was my choice to do it

For  a week I avoided him and his calls, but finally decided to see him 

'I am glad that you finally agreed to see me'

'well it's your birthday'

'can we talk about it now? is it ok with you?' I nodded at him 'I know this is a lame ass reason but really that was just a drunken mistake that I regret so much and I wanted to know if you are willing to give me a second chance?'

'I gave a thought about it, but I think it would be better for us not to, because I would no lie but even forgive you I would always think about that mistake and it would not be good for us.'

'so I guess that's a no'

'yes' while I smiled sadly at her 'but really Keith thank you so much for the wonderful memories'

'can I ask one last question?' I nodded at him

'd-did you regret loving me?'

'of course not, you are one of the best things that happened in my life'

'well I'm glad to know that, can I hug you one last time?'

'of course Keith'

Maybe it wasn't the right time for us, maybe I should have given him a second chance but I know it will just be not good for us because I know myself I'll be having a hard time forgetting what happened and that would just be unfair for the both of us.

I was afraid to fall in love, but because of him I know that it's not that bad, falling in love is one of the best feelings in the world