Monday, October 16

11:33pm

I didn't meant to fall in love and I've been around long enough to know your game. I loved escaping from reality with you and making us the only reality that matter. I believed every word you said, every pointless bit of nonsense you promised. And I hated to think that what we had wasn't real. And I know I was happy but my heart is broken. It was such a disappointment, realizing you turn out to be just like what everyone said and I was the fool who thought you were different. Is horrible knowing I choose to trust you to the extreme and to believe every word you said, every lie you gave and fall in your stupid game. And now, while I let go of what I thought was real, I see the truth behind your actions, the truth your words never spoke, knowing you gave up on me, on us, never even tried to fix it, never fighting for us. And I wonder, did my presence even matter to you at all? Will I ever be free of you? I can't stand the fake smiles and fake caring. I can't stand knowing I choose you and you choose to give up. It kills me that you knew exactly what you were doing. That's what hurts me the most. That you never cared at all about losing me. Knowing I lost sight of what I deserved. And now Im done asking myself why you hurt me. Now dealing with the hurricane of bitter-sweet memories you left behind. Remembering how I loved you even though you gave me a thousand reasons not to. And I hate grieving the lost of a person who is still alive. Time taking it's sweet time erasing you. Now learning to accept the apology I never got, feeling sorry for the next girl who's heart your about to break. Knowing that if I were to disappear the stars would still shine, the sun would still come out, the Earth would still rotate, the seasons would still change and the same thing if you leave. So leave. My world won't fall apart. The beginning of my meaning is my own to discover. And I'll let people criticize who they think you are. Because I don't need you to deal with my demons. I can defeat them on my own. Not wondering if my heart still works, knowing very well something better is coming my way to remind me it does.