Lost in Battle. (Sequel To The Future That Can Be)

Ch. 6

Neither one of us said anything nor moved. We were frozen, staring at one another like if we were looking at ghosts. I didn't know what I wanted. Half of me wanted to run out and go to Gaius, while the other half wanted to go up to Arthur and hug him, telling him how sorry I was. But I didn't get to make a decision.

"How long...?"

"Almost a week." I whispered.

"All this time, you knew." Arthur said to Guinevere.

She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. So I stepped up.

"I told her not to say anything. I wasn't ready for you to know I was back."

Arthur looked at me and once again we both went silent. I was just afraid of speaking and saying the wrong thing, him on the other hand, I didn't know what was going through his head. Was he surprised? Happy? Upset? I couldn't tell.

"Gaius?"

I nodded, "He knows. I've been staying with him."

He nodded as well and he looked at Gwen then back at me.

"I should get going." I said softly.

And even though I was the one that wanted to run away, that wanted to hide, that wanted nothing from Arthur, his next words did something to me.

"Yes, you should. You should be out of Camelot by sunrise."

I felt the air being sucked out of my lungs as Gwen gasped at Arthur's words. I looked at Arthur who was staring at me with no emotion visible on his face. His eyes seemed to turned from a ocean blue to an icy color as his jaw was clenched so tightly I feared his teeth would crack.

"Arthur. You don't understand-"

"Go." he said interruption Guinevere, "Leave!"

I flinched at the rise and harshness in his voice. I looked at Gwen who was already in tears. I grabbed my cloak and without another word, I walked out of the small house.

"What is wrong with you?!" Gwen screamed.

Arthur stayed silent and I quickly walked away not wanting to hear them anymore. But I knew the answer to that. There was nothing wrong with Arthur whatsoever. He has every right to hate me.

I lied. To his face for so many years. I kept hiding who I was. And in the end, I left. I left without him. I left him with his father and never came back.

I walked into Gaius' home and he stood quickly.

"Where were you? I was starting to think something happened."

I looked at him as I leaned against the door and I couldn't stop myself. I instantly started crying, the tears falling down my cheeks like a waterfall.

"Merlin! Merlin, what's wrong?"

But I couldn't speak. My fears were occuring at this moment and I started to regret ever coming back.

Gaius guided me to his bed and sat me down, sitting in front of me in a small stool. He waited for me to calm down, letting me cry like a fool until I was dry.

I didn't even realize I had laid down until I opened my eyes and looked at the ceiling.

I kept thinking how stupid I was being. I shouldn't had cried so much when I had no right. Arthur has every reason to hate me. To not want to see me. To tell me to leave. I had no reason to feel so... Broken.

"Will you tell me what happened?"

I looked at Gaius, nodding slightly, "I saw Arthur."

He sighed softly, "Merlin."