The Hible
The Very Beginning
First, there was nothing, and then there was Slod! Slod was the best thing around at the time well, considering the fact that there was nothing before Slod that’s not that hard, but anyway Slod was on a mission, a mission to make the most epic universe anyone could ever make.
It made the great universe of Milk and it made the galaxy’s and the star’s, inside the universe, but its favourite part of the universe was Girth, He was determined to make Girth the most pimped out planet in the galaxy.
So he thought of what he could put into Girth to make it epic... “Ahhh, Yes, water if I get bit thirsty” And with that he oceans where created. But then he thought to him self I need food and lots of it, “What if...” He thought to himself “I could make a bit brown log with little green pieces of food that keep coming back after you’ve eaten it?” There you have it, the tree.
His creativity then went on a rampage of brilliance, first came cows, then dogs, and many other creations before that like cells and dinosaurs and chickens. And in my opinion he then progressed onwards to make his greatest creation... Milbank was a progression of Slods thoughts after he created the first ape. Milbank was the first real fully functioning human.
“Milbank’s a bit of a mouthful to call a species” Slod thought, so renamed them to “Humans”
But Slod then thought to himself “What’s an easy way to make more of these humans’ but without having to do all bit by bit...” After about 2 days Slod got it “REPRODUCCTION” He cried. So he then implemented his new found system into Milbank. But for this new system to work Slod needed another human. He tried his best to duplicate Milbank, but ended up with wider hipped and gentler looking human. “You look different,” Slod said scratching his chin... “I think I’ll call you Female, And I’ll call Milbank a Male.”
Milbank and the Female
The female and Milbank were so happy together they made a word just to describe their feelings, this word was “love” After they made this word Milbank started calling The Female Julie, He called this “her name”. Milbank had an idea and he was going somewhere with it as well (for an idiot he was pretty smart) he was calling it “language” and many years later Milbank and Julie had many children and had made up a whole language. They had also made the Girth pretty with lots of houses and buildings.
Slod talked to Milbank lots, Slod told him all about how he was his dad and that in the future he should tell people all about Slod and how the world was made... But allot of the time Milbank wasn’t listening properly so allot of the time he would make mistakes like calling Girth “The Earth” and calling Slod “God”. But you could tell Milbank understood the general concept.
Ten Years Later
One day Milbank was walking in the slums of Girth (which he mistook for Earth when Slod was informing him of the truth) when he came across a man sitting in the road he asked him what his name was.
He said his name was Jack and he was a one of Milbank’s long lost offspring (he was a bit of a player) living in the slums of Girth.
So Milbank asked him “Do you want to tell people about God with me?
Jack, who had not properly learnt English yet, replied simply with “Yen, Wheeze”.
Milbank took this as a yes, and then went on to recruit 6 more disciples (as he called them) out of which one of them would betray him. It was around this time that Milbank in his old age had almost told everyone about “God”. And he was starting on new projects like: Hygiene, Education and The God House (to be known to you as church).
He then, at the wise age of 70 published the Holy Bible. (His life story under a fake name and with added bit’s to make him seem cooler)
It was an enormous success nearly everyone ha a copy, He became the most famous man in all of “Earth” but his fame was short lived for the next day some jealous murderers killed him, (which was widely exaggerated in the media) allot of people believed in the numerous government conspiracy’s about his death.
It was then falsely documented as an execution. His friends and family marked this day as Easter a day in which everyone must celebrate Milbank’s life. With Slod in denial of his only son being dead he didn’t want to have t face the Earth or to see it because I brought back memory’s of his son and the happiness he shared with his son, so he ran away to a distant corner of the universe hoping no one will ever try and find him.
The Decline of the earth
With the Slod no longer keeping the world in check the Earth slid in to decline. Dictatorships rose in many countries in the Middle East and many wars broke out. The humans were slowly but surely destroying their own planet. Climate change’s effects became clearer as the humans over indulged in unnecessary products, Natural disasters like earthquakes, Tsunamis and tornadoes became more and more frequents... In some places almost every week. Diseases were killing millions. And In the end there was Julie... On her own, praying for Slod to return. But she waited for an eternity, nothing happened... Nothing came, and she died on her own still waiting, hoping and hiding.
Many years later the cells left behind by Julie’s rotten and disintegrated corpse multiplied and split and formed new beings, free from the creation of Slod. This is where modern books catch on, all the information you have already read or studied, only catch on here!
Julie’s Cells multiplied so much beings started to form, those beings mated (evolved), and so and so forth. Then creating the Neanderthals, which were natures own try at Milbank, and I tell you it came pretty damn close, with the world in disrepair after the fall of the earth, the Neanderthals were left picking up the pieces for many years living in caves, making monuments from old buildings (Stone henge) and evolving further.
The Humans rise again
Thousands of years later, (after dinosaurs and after all that jazz) the humans where at the point of intelligence, almost at a replica stage from when Slod, and Milbank where around. And they got smarter, and now here we are... TODAY
