At least he stays

Note: it was just a really quick writing exercise, but I like how it turned out, so here it is. The portraying of depression is not accurate

           

I sat in the dark of my room. My short hair was a mess, my clothes were a little bit too big for me due to the lack of eating I did during the past weeks. I didn't feel like doing anything in particular, so I just sat there, listening to the quiet rumbling of the ship as it moved through space.

Suddenly the room was filled with light. Valkyrie switched up the lights as she stepped into my room.

"Good morning" she said. She was nice. Too gentle even. She sat me up and nodded to Heimdall, who pulled out some clothes from my wardrobe and helped them up on me. I didn't think I'd slept during the night. It felt like one endless thought. The whole night, the whole time I'd spent in my room since last breakfast. One endless thought: ruin.

Heimall and Valkyre exchanged a worrying look over my lack of reaction, but they said nothing as they led me through the corridors of the giant ship. The breakfast was in the giant hall. My people, the Asgardians sent warm smiles toward me as we walked past them toward the main table, where Bruce were already eating. I smiled back to everyone, though my heart felt empty. My friends, the Asgardians I really cared about, who I grew up with, they were dead. My sister killed them.

Bruce looked me over, then continued his egg. I said nothing, just sat down and tried to eat something. It was important, I reminded myself. My people would want me happy, full of life, after the terrors they'd been through.

"Is this really necessary? These breakfasts?" Bruce leaned to Valkyre. He must have thought I was so far away, that I couldn't hear him. Or he simply knew I wouldn't care.

"He needs some order in his life" the girl answered and I could detect worry in her voice as she looked over me. "He wouldn't even realize how many days pass if we let him sit in his room all day. We've already cancelled the lunch and the dinner and all the other duties of him anyway.

That was how things went every morning. The people were happy, enjoying their meal, the others quietly debated about my state and my needs and I was just quietly playing with my food, constantly looking for my friends in the crowd. For my parents, anyone, but I had to remind myself again and again, that they were gone. Only Heimdall was left. And Loki. But he was usually nowhere to be found.

--

I was sitting in my room again. In the quiet space, there was nothing to help me count the passing of the time. So, I didn't know how much time passed since breakfast when my door opened.

"I would say you look good brother, but that would be a lie" Loki nodded toward me as he entered the room. "Maybe it's the hair. Or the eye" he continued as he sat next to me on the ground with his back against my bed.

I didn't say anything.

"Bruce wants you to help him" he continued. I only nodded. I'd figured a nod was always what they wanted. "Perfect" he clapped his hands, which made my clothes turn into labour robes. "You look ridiculous. I like it" he winked as he made me get up and cross the corridor again.

Bruce's lab was a rather small room. He must had been doing something really important and exciting, because he was running around the whole place like some kind of crazy ant. He didn't seem to expect me, but didn't object as Loki led me in. He seemed a little nervous, but managed to find me some kind of work. I had to heat up tubes with coloured liquids in them. I had no idea what they were, but I was doing what he'd told me like a robot.

I didn't know how much time later, when Bruce ran out of liquids to put into my hand and seemed to have difficulty finding me a new job in the lab, I simply stood up and stated that I was tired and wanted to go back to my room. He didn't object, just gently led me to my room. I didn't know when Loki left, but I hadn't seen him since he'd left me in Bruce's lab until some days later.