Dear someone,
My smile.
It's a lie.
Every time I do, he's sick of seeing me smile.
Because he sees my lies.
He knows I'm not happy.
I remind him everyday.
I try to be happy
I swear.
It's just so hard to be happy anymore.
I can't do this to him anymore.
I keep hurting my angel.
The man I love has become numb to my harsh words that I hit him with.
I can't bare doing this anymore.
I want to stop but I can't.
My heart is telling me to stop hurting him.
I can see it in his eyes as I saw him hurt by the words I said to him.
"I don't love you anymore."
I do love you but I'm tired of always disappointing you.
"You never make me happy."
I will always hurt you and I can't bare doing that to you anymore.
"Leave me alone."
Please go away before my threats become real. I'm scared to hurt you more in the future.
I smile.
I'm so stupid and so depressed about what I've done.
I laugh.
I feel so empty inside.
I speak.
Please help me.
Please stop making me hurt him.
Everyday is a battle with myself.
It's easy to say
I will change for the better
But it's harder to do.
It's so hard as my heart becomes a conflict with my mind.
I need help.
I'll get help someday.
Just another day.
For now I show my smile.
My lie.
-Redish
