Time After Time

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,

And think of you

- Time After Time, Cyndi Lauper

Silence fills the air, it sends me spiraling through an endless abyss. My brain is telling me to leave, that I shouldn't do this but I know my heart is beating fast and it wants this so desperately. I grip the crane necklace hard, as if it could ground me.

I am surrounded in darkness, but there is a faint light straight in front of me. I see a reflection of myself, as if a mirror magically appeared. I see blue eyes and dark hair—a sad expression painted on her face. I take a step forward and freeze, my breathing hitches. The process always manages to scare me, though I should be used to it by now.

I look down to see cracks forming from the dark ground, streams of light flowing through them. And suddenly it breaks, and I'm falling. I shut my eyes tight, wind whipping my hair everywhere. The darkness consumes me, enveloping my body in shadows.

Soon I feel my feet land on solid ground, the strong wind gone. I blink open my eyes. In front of me is a beach with white sand, soft waves caressing the land. The sun is setting, giving the skyline a reddish hue. It's beautiful, yet I can't get myself to watch the sun set. My eyes focus on the silhouette of a man standing several feet away. He is facing the sunset like I am, standing where the water is just out of reach of his feet. I squeeze my hand around the crane charm on my necklace; I inhale sharply at the pain of the sharp wings as it pokes my skin. I silently make a wish that we would have a longer time together.

But wishes so seldomly come true.

I look back up at the man. Cautiously I take a step forward, hoping the floor wouldn't shatter beneath me again like it had the last time, and I had been brought back.

My feet sink into the cool sand. I tell myself to stop and slow down, but my body doesn't listen. After each step, I surge forward faster and as I get closer, I can see his features. As I get closer, he turns. He's handsome, like always.

He has a smile plastered on his face, and I can’t help but smile back as I jump into his wide open arms. He spins me around and I am laughing, and he is too.

"I missed you." he says, his voice deep as we come to a stop. I want to memorize this moment, the sound of his voice, and the feel of his arms around me.

"I missed you too." I whisper, cupping his face with my hands, our eyes drawing each other in. "You don't have to do this."

"I don't care," he replies, his voice husky—confident. He brings his lips close to mine and speaks in a whisper, "I love you and I'll always love you."

Tears spring in my eyes, I didn't want this to end. But I knew it would. That's why I came here, and that's why I didn't want to come.

I brought my lips against his, pressing against his softly then pull back. "I wish it didn't have to be this way."

"I do too."

"This is going to be our last time, isn't it?”

He nods, his smile gone. It’s been replaced with a weary frown. "I don't want you worrying about me. I'll be fine."

I look down at my necklace, it began to glow white. I look back up and stare into his brown eyes, my heart feeling like lead. "Our time is almost up. T-tomorrow’s the big day." The tears I held back were falling freely now. 

He kisses my cheeks, "I'll see you here in the past. I'll protect you. And that's why I'm doing this. It all comes down to this moment.”

I nod, I snuggle my face into the crook of his neck and breathe in his earthy scent. I don't want this to end. I’m not ready.

It’s silent for a moment but he speaks, whispering softly in my ear. "I remember the first time we met. You pushed me into the water and demanded to know why I thought you needed saving. I thought you were crazy." He laughs but I can feel the sadness behind it.

"I remember."

"Then you realized that you came too early. And you couldn't change that. I'm glad for that."

"I am too," I sniff and tighten my hold around his waist.

"Each day you met me here, always demanding the same thing. And eventually you started falling for me." He ends off with a flutter of his eyelashes.

“Hey!” I let go of his and smack him playfully against his arm with a small smile and he chuckles. "And you started falling for me too." I say, my voice cracking and my smile dissipates.

"And we figured out the answer to your question."

"You still don't have to do this, I can do it. I won't need saving, I promise you,” I whisper softly, wiping at my eyes then grabbing onto him again. “I don't want you to die."

He strokes the back of my head and murmurs, "But then this wouldn't have happened. You wouldn't have come back in time to ask why I did it, and we wouldn't have fallen in love.”

It was an endless cycle but I say what we both want so desperately. Even though we both no it’s no use. "We can still change this, so neither of us die."

"I don't want to live a life not loving you." 

"Don't do this, please."

"You know I can't."

I take in a shaky breath, my body is trembling. I look up into his warm brown eyes, I lean forward and kiss him. 

We break apart, both of us breathless. I say against his lips "I love you." 

He grabs my hand and kisses it, "I'll always love you. My wish is for you to live a long and beautiful life."

And the crane that sits upon my collar bone glows painfully bright, the heat sears into my body, piercing my heart. All I can see is white and soon it fades and I find myself sitting on my bed. The lamp on my desk is on, a dim hue of yellow illuminating the room. By the desk sits a newspaper article about how a young boy saved a young girls life. I bring my hand to my necklace, the crane charm is gone. 

I silently thank the old blue-eyed woman who had given it to me when I had walked down the street after the incident, saying it would give me answers. She had given me a kiss on the cheek and told me that I would live a long and beautiful life before she parted with me. I lay down on my bed and wish to see him once more, but that wasn't going to happen. Never would I be able to kiss or hold him again. Tears fell and I let them.

"You lived a beautiful life." And I turn off the lights.