Pacify Her (A Kyman story)

Detention

I head off to the principal's office, storming in anger. I can't believe that I now have detention just for calling the teacher a bitch! Jesus fucking Christ! Why the fuck do I have to get detention for something as stupid as this? Cartman has done worse stuff than me before and nothing happened to him! So why me? WHY ME!!! Jesus Christ, my mother's going to fucking kill me...

I enter the principal's office and sit down in one of the chairs. I look to my right to see Cartman staring down at the floor, his earbuds in. "What the fuck are you doing here?" I ask.

He doesn't answer. Just keeps on staring at the floor. Dumbass.

I pull out one of his earbud's and repeat, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

He looks up at me and smiles, taking out his other earbud. "Hey Kahl. Fancy seeing you here."

I roll my eyes. "Just answer my question, dumbass." I now refuse to call him fatass because of his anorexia.

"Because I told my teacher, Mr. O'Connor, to suck my balls for being on my phone. Why are you here, Jew?"

"For calling my math teacher a bitch cause she yelled at me for texting you."

He smiles. "At least I get to see you..." He whispers in my ear, "...hottie."

I blush at his words. Does he really think that I'm hot? But I just hope that he'll stay with me and never go back to Heidi. I fucking hate that bitch. Honestly, she should just go kill herself.

"Do you really think that I'm hot?" I ask.

"Oh, you're fucking sexy."

I blush at this. "You are too."

"Kyle Broflovski!"

My head snaps up to the sound of the principal's voice, Mrs. Hemming. I sigh and stand up, finding this whole thing fucking pointless. I follow the principal into her office and sit down as she closes her door. She then sits down behind her desk and I roll my eyes as she gives me a look of seriousness.

"Your math teacher, Mrs. Lila, told me that you called her a 'bitch'."

I shrug. "And? Your point is?"

"We do not tolerate disrespect towards our staff. You seem like a very nice young man, Mr. Broflovski, but we did not like your harsh insult. Also, you were playing on your phone and refused to tell Mrs. Lila who you were talking to. That is a violation of the code here at school."

"And asking me who I was texting is also a violation of privacy."

She narrows her eyes at me. "Just to let you know, young man, I already called in your mother."

I shrug. "Okay. I don't care."

"Well, you should, because when I was on the phone with her, she sounded very angry."

"She always sounds angry. Especially at me."

"Well, then maybe you should be a better son."

I snap at this point. "I am a good son! She just never recognizes it! I get A's in everything, and if I get a B, she calls me a failure! I hardly disrespect her, I do whatever she tells me to do, I never disobey. So how could I be a better son!?"

"Maybe if you weren't a little faggot," I hear my mother sneer from behind me. Did I mention that she's homophobic? I guess not.

I turn around and stare at her in shock. "How do you know that I'm gay?"

"Because I looked through your phone while you were in here and saw your text messages to your little boyfriend. You faggots will burn in Hell. I will send you off to Bible Camp if that's what it takes to make you straight, you little c-"

Mrs. Hemming breaks in. "Excuse me, Mrs. Broflovski, but the word 'faggot' or any other words of discrimination are not allows here."

My bitch of a mother grinds her teeth together and grabs onto the back of my black leather jacket. "Then I'll just take him home and teach him a few lessons."

I yelp as she makes me stand up and starts dragging me away, but someone else grabs onto my arm. I look up to see that it's Mrs. Hemming. She says to my mother, "You can't stop someone from being gay. It's impossible. I'm afraid that we must keep your son here at school for safety purposes."

"WHA-WHAT-WHAT!!!!!????? NO I AM TAKING MY SON HOME!" She starts to drag me away, but Cartman steps in and pushes her onto the ground, hugging me and pushing me up against his chest. I sigh, feeling safe once again.

"YOU CANNOT TAKE MY SON AWAY FROM ME!"

Cartman smirks. "Oh yes I can." He picks me up bridal style and takes me out of the office to the cafeteria. I can't believe she knows that I'm gay! And is against it! Stupid fat ugly bitch.

Cartman steps in the lunch room, still holding me. Then he screams, "I am in love with Kahl Broflovski!" and smashes our lips together.