These Guilty Pleasures (Modern Lams AU)

Chapter 2

Alexander's hands shook as he attempted to message John. He had finally typed two words when he accidentally deleted the message.

"God dammit!" He cried, frustrated.

He rewrote the message and pressed send.

'they're gone' He waited for John to reply.

'Ok ;)'

Alexander sank to the floor and buried his face in his hands. He never MENT to cheat on his wife, he never WANTED to betray his children. He loved Eliza, he really did, she was pure and beautiful, and perfect. 

Alex knew that he didn't deserve her, but what he had with John...it was so different. It was less gentle and polite and more aggressive and intense, the sex wasn't something they just did, it was necessary. He needed John like he needed to write. It wasn't a choice or at least it didn't feel like one. He drifted back to the day that had ultimately caused the affair in the end...

~12 years ago...

"Stay, please stay" Alex gripped Jhons sweater like a lifeline. Tears burned in his eyes, his voice shook.

"Alex, baby girl..." John brushed his thumb underneath Alexander's eye, catching a tear. Alex could feel his warm breath on his forehead. John smelled of apple's and cinnamon, like the candles he always burned in his apartment. He couldn't lose that scent.'selfishselfishselfish' he thought to himself.

"Please don't cry " John embraced him.

"Mmph" He muttered as he buried his face in John's soft green sweater, inhaling his scent.

"You COULD stay" I pouted at him.

"No I couldn't ,Alex, I don't have scholarships like you do and I certainly don't have the money."

Alex took a deep breath,'be brave' he thought to himself. He wiped his eyes and looked up at John.

"Alex, I'm sorry baby-" Alexander cut him off. 

"No,no don't...don't worry about me... you do what's best for you and-" Alex forced a smile "And I'll support you" John beamed at him.

"Hey, maybe I could even go with you, wouldn't want you to get hurt without me." He added.

John's breath hitched, and he shook his head. Alex felt his heart stop. 'does he not want me?!'.

" No Alex, don't endanger your life for me, this college is  YOUR shot to make a difference, don't throw it away, Alexander. You have a gift, use it."

Alex felt his stomach sink but nodded it agreement.

"Yeah... your right" John touched his soft lips to mine.

"Besides we still have a little time left right?"

"Two weeks" I replied, it wasn't enough.

"Then let's make the best of it"

~ Back to the present...

Alexander touched is lips in remembrance. John had left to fight on the war while Alex had stayed in New York to pursue his career in law. Alex had lost count of how many apple cinnamon candles he had purchased after John's departure, but no many how many he burned he could never quite catch his scent. In the end he-

His thoughts were interrupted by the piercing ring of the doorbell. Alex stood and rushed to the door forgetting any guilt he previously had.

"John" he breathed

"Alexander"