Cowgirl Up Three ✔️

Chapter Thirteen

It was 8:36PM when I tiptoed my way out of Luka's bedroom.
By 7:37 Brodie and Dale had both been blissfully asleep.
That had given Me just enough time to bathe Luka and get him snuggled down in his bed for his night time story.
Tonight had been The Very Hungry Caterpillar.
I held my breath as I stepped carefully towards the open end of the hallway, praying I wouldn't wake up any of the three boys.
After Luka being awake for six hours after his nap and Brodie and Dale being awake for nearly five hours after their nap, this Mamma was in need of a child free moment.
Blayze was sitting on the lounge, his upgraded dark green laptop propped on his knees.
The lit screen illuminated his face that was filled with an expression of concentration as he stared.
An open beer stubby sat on the coffee table which was littered with a couple of Luka's toys, a blue and white baby blanket and three baby bottles that needed cleaning, one of which was around double the size of the other two.
Luka was a year and a half old, so he was still drinking around three bottles of Toddler formula per day, as well as small meals of solid foods.
Walking forward to collect the bottles so I could wash them, I could see Blayze wasn't on Facebook on the laptop, also apparently wasn't window shopping on eBay, but I had no clue what the page I looked at was meant to represent.
Words, number's, percentages and a chart was what it appeared to be.
"What's all that about?"
I queried, pausing by the end of the lounge.
Blayze lifted his blue-green gaze from the bright laptop screen to look at my face.
"The paperwork side of the business we're trying to launch."
He explained, squeezing his eyes shut and lifting his hands from the laptop's keyboard to rub them over his face.
Paperwork...?
Mentally I face palmed.
Of course paperwork and book keeping goes with any business.
I guess some naive part of Me had just assumed Grandpa, Mum and Uncle Lukas would be taking care of it up in the Office in the main house.
"Sounds... fun..."
I really didn't know what else to say.
I'd never expected Blayze to be the paperwork guy.
Then again, this training of Rodeo Horses was apparently meant to be his venture which meant he was responsible for keeping it afloat.
How the hell was he meant to manage training the horses, taking care of them, the book keeping side of things and his usual farm chores?!
I knew that we desperately needed to talk.
It was only too obvious that we were both biting our tongues against our opinions on things lately.
A big part of Me knew that Blayze was uncharacteristically holding back because my emotions had been a tangled mess since I'd woken up from the accident,
Even I knew I was still a nightmare to deal with, bouncing between feeling depressed about just the idea of getting up for the day, or having a burst of 'this is my life and maybe, just maybe I can move on and do it'.
Although some part of me knew that our lack of communication lately was most likely largely my fault, I couldn't help but be frustrated that there were clearly things he wasn't telling Me.
Our conversations during the last week had more or less consisted of what needed doing with Luka, Brodie and Dale, or if Blayze was going to exercise the Dog's or help Uncle Lukas feed the animals.
Even the chores that needed doing around the house.
We needed to talk, big time, but even now the words seemed stuck in my throat.
Now was probably realistically the perfect time.
The Kid's were all sleeping, the Dog's were snoozing on their bed's and there was only a small handful of dishes to do, waiting by the sink.
I could keep procrastinating and declare that I had a load of laundry to do, but realistically the load consisted of mostly a few set'a of Baby clothes and maybe a half a dozen set's of Luka's shorts and t-shirts.
It wasn't likely even going to take up half a load in the machine.
Most definitely it would just wait until tomorrow, when the clothes Blayze and I had worn today could join the pile.
"So... we probably need to talk..."
Finally I managed to force the words out, but by now Blayze's gaze was trained back on the laptop screen.
I'd waited too long.
I went to move forward to collect the bottles off the coffee table and tried not to let it show that I was frustrated, yet at the same time hurt, but before I could so much as take a step, Blayze closed the laptop and reached forward to set the machine onto the coffee table, finding a vacant space near the end of the cluttered small table.
I probably needed to clear that table...
I blinked.
He was stopping his work so we could talk?
"Yeah, we do need to."
Blayze agreed, propping his elbows on his faded wash jeans clad thighs.
My heart began to beat a little faster, my nerves kicking in, starting up a jittering dance through my bloodstream.
Once upon a time, Blayze and I would yell at each other when we were irritated enough and sometimes that would be enough for us to move on, other times we'd spend a day or so ignoring each other after screaming and getting our point of view off our chest.
When I'd been pregnant we'd yell and 99.9% of the time I'd end up crying.
But when I was pregnant with Luka and even Brodie and Dale, we generally didn't just spend time ignoring each other after a fight,
Sure, in Luka's pregnancy there'd been a few issues that had required some space between us.
But later in the pregnancy with Luka and then with Brodie and Dale, when Luka was a baby, it was like we just knew there was no choice but to find a resolution.
We're not just Blayze and Bailey anymore.
We have Luka, Brodie and Dale.
Sure, Parent's were known to split up.
My Mum was evidence of that.
But in that aspect I certainly didn't want to take after her.
I didn't want to be the lady chasing around three boy's on her own, two of them Twin's and one just thirteen months older.
Yet it was even more than that.
I hoped that if God forbid, it ever came to that, that I could be strong enough, just like my Mum.
But at the end of the day, I knew deep down that I did not want to lose Blayze.
We'd been connected for nearly as long as I could remember.
I wasn't far off being eight years old when Grandpa, Mum and Uncle Lukas brought him home.
I had no idea how we'd developed from friendship to Lovers status, but at the end of the day I wasn't complaining.
Sure, at times he frustrates the utter crap out of Me!
But I know I irritate the hell out of him too.
We're alike enough that we understand each other, yet we see in each other what frustrates us about ourselves and so we clash.
Blayze softly grabbed onto my wrist and I couldn't help but almost squeak in surprise when he gently pulled on my arm to get me to move,
Biting into my lower lip, I walked past his denim and boots encased legs and eased myself to sit down on our lounge, maybe a foot, a foot and a half away from where he was sitting, though I angled my body so I more or less faced him, my bare feet floating a few inches off the lounge room rug, thanks to my short arse stature.
Where were we even meant to begin?
Ask the all too obvious 'why are we not communicating anymore'?
Well, that one was fairly easily answered.
Our communication had been off since Emma's arrival.
My mind flashed me back to the night of the Engagement Party and how instead of Blayze and I having a nice bonding night, I'd actually wound up in Hospital.
I'd had a small bleed and one of the Twin's had been in a bit of distress but the Doctor's had managed to sort it all out.
I nearly shuddered at the thought of the fear that night had contained.
Or, should I just open up and tell him about Dad's proposal?
Should we talk about this new business?
As usual, silence stretched between us.
I laced my fingers together in my lap.