Emotionless Control ✔

Chapter 8

*My version of Matt🔝.*

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The air around us is tense, noone dares to say a word. Matt and the intruders have stood there for 5 minutes at least, staring each other. It's a bit creepy, but it's obvious that they know each other. I look at Carol, she looks at the situation coldly, how can she be so calm when something like this happens? Normal girls usually start screaming, but it seems like she's waiting for something.

"You didn't answer my question. What are you doing in my house?" Matt asks with rising anger.

"We came for her, boss was getting worried." He motions to Carol. Her eyes are getting angrier.

"She's staying here, aren't you?" I ask her, Matt looks at me furiously, he probably expected me to hold my mouth.

Carol looks at me, she's probably also surprised that i spoke.

"I'm staying." She turns her head back to the armed fellows with a sweet smile. Wide smirk is appearing on my face. I think i found myself a bestie! I don't even care if she's involved in somekind of kinky stuff, i already like her.

Matt stares at us refusing to take his eyes away from us.

"You can leave now." He says.

Intruders scoff, one of them mumbles something and they leave furiously but surely.

As soon as they're gone Matt yells at me, again..

"What the hell Trix? Why do you bring gang members to our house?" No getting out of this one.

"Matt, they came here by themselves, i didn't bring them here!" I obviously know that he didn't meant them, he was speaking about my friend over here.

"I wasn't talking about them!" He looks at Carol, she seems really cold and distant right now.

"I brought her here as my friend, not business!" I couldn't help myself with that last part of the sentence.

"She's in a gang, she's a right hand of the leader!" Matt doesn't seem like he's about to calm down soon.

"So what? You also knew the guys, i could see that and you know her so why are you yelling at me? I should ask some explanation from you!" I talk back.

"Carol, would you like to explain how is my sweet stepbrother involved in to all of this." I need to know, it's all so weird. Carol smirks and i can see my brother mouthing 'no' to her.

"Cladly! You see, Matt here is a kartell boss, not in our gang tho!" She explains. Matts' face turns so red from anger.

"Seriously? Why are everyone in the gangs right now? Gang here, gang there and another mafia around the corner!" I ask annoyed, i'm not joking there have been way too many gangs here lately.

"Well, a lot of gangs are coming in this city, to look for..." her sentence was cut off by Matt, who pressed his hand tightly against her mouth. He was so furious.

"She doesn't need to know! She might get in danger!" He hissed. I pulled his hand away from Carol mouth. Who the hell does he think he is?

"Hey, you don't tell my friends what to do!" He has crossed a line here, my fellows. He tries to protect me by lying and hiding facts from me. That's not fair, i deserve to know what he's protecting me from.

"You shithead didn't even bother to tell me that you're a fucking gangster and you are throwing accusations to my friend! Hell, best friend! And if you haven't noticed then i'm already in danger. One gang even tryed to turn me into their sex slave, but Carol saved me of course. How can't you.."

Matt doesn't let me finish and interrupts me, like always. I hate when he does that, it makes me feel like i'm not worth of his patience.

"What? They tried to rape you?" His eyes mirror sadness, anger, fear and naturally empathy, i don't need his fucking pity.

"Hey, don't you dare to interrupt me! But yes, they wanted to rape me, kill me and dump my body behind a dumpster as the trash i am. What's trash once, stays trash.
I wouldn't even mind if they killed me, i would've thanked them and given a box of chocolate. But i was interested to see where the conversation with this buddy here would go, so i decided to give her a change to enjoy my priceless company." I talk fast, so he couldn't interrupt me anymore.

Matt stares at me, he's not happy at all. Cordelia is watching Tv, but i know that she is paying attention to our little depate.

What i said was true. I don't care about my life, why should anybody worship my body more than i do? The answer is that they shouldn't. I'm not suicidal i mean, but if i die, i die. I'm going to die anyway one day, it would be more fun to choose how and when. I don't want boring death, i want to go down with a big bang. Never mind, all i want to say is, you can't decide over my death! Matt has no right to protect me from something i don't want to be protected for!

"Please tell me that you aren't going to attempt suicide again! I can't see you like this again." Matt is eyeing me sadly, he's not allowed to be more broken that i am! It's not his battle and i'm definitely not a puppet you can move depending on your wishes! I'm a human, i can take care of myself and if i can't then i want to go down bravely alone. It's my fucking life!

"I was an emotional wreck back then!"

"And you are okay now?"

"I'm emotionless! I haven't felt a single real emotion from that day, i feel numb and it makes me tired. I feel nothing, no flower makes me happy, no boy makes me cry, no danger makes me scared, noone makes me feel love or loved. Only thing i still feel is adrenaline filling my body, but it's still difficult to achieve that."

I haven't told this anyone yet, i have mastered faking emotions. He'll probably think that i'm a freak, i wouldn't blame him though. I want out, away from...this. But i gotta admit that a ton of gangs in this city sounds intriguing, i wonder if there will be any new opponents in the streetfight world. What the hell Trix? Snap out! Remember you are supposed to be angry with Matt, got it?

But a little niggle in the back of my head is keeping my thoughts on fighting, until someone spoke.

"Please Trix, what am i supposed to do? How can i make you happy again?" Matt ask sounding desperate, i really can't figure out this guy.

"Let me live by my rules, nothing else. This won't make me happy, nothing will.
Okay, i need some sleep, it's late! Cordelia you can stay and sleep here if you want!"

She looked at me for a few seconds trying to figure me out, but like always i'm unreadable. She shrugged.

"I would be honoured!" She mocks, trying to lighten the atmosphere, i'm clad she tries. The air is really heavy from all the drama.

Matt turns around and paces away without looking back, i guess this is what you get for talking back to him.

I fall asleep as soon as my head touches the pillow. I feel my heavy head lightening as my eyes close and i thrift into deep sleep.