Short story about a man who trying to find his place as he never understand what it is to be loved, yet learns to love.
**inspired by iKon and Blackpink
Today is the day of someone's birthday, someone that is so precious to me. Actually I don't know how or what to call her now. We're not together anymore but I do still love her. She's my ex but also my lover. She's the one that can make me change my paradigm, she helps me to find the beauty of life. Never even once I hate her, because she taught me to love.
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I will tell you first about her. Her name is Rose, I'm not saying that she is the prettiest girl alive, but for sure she's pretty kind and also pretty smart, for me she's beautiful inside and outside. Actually, I don't like her at first because she's so hard to be understood. The way she think is so different from mine, seems like she's from the light and I'm the darkness. But slowly she held my hands and dragged me into her world, let me stay there and leaving the world of evil behind me. At that time, honestly, I'm don't want to fall in love, because she's too good for a trash like me and I'm scared that I can ruin her life. But she told me that I am precious even with all my dark past, that everyone is, and we are all deserve to be happy and to be loved. She's so sincere that I choose to follow her into the world of light, because what I feel around her is a pure happiness, and love, like what she had said. That's why I love her, I love myself when I'm with her. And she's everything I've ever wanted.
I only go to this beautiful world because of her, so what the use of living here now? And since she has gone, I'm thinking about coming back to the world where I used to be, the place where I think I'm belong. That is a place where I can feel relieved, where I can be punished for my wrong doing. I am the one who makes her leaving, I can't protect her while she's keeping her promise until the end. I didn't believe in promise, but she makes me believe it, yet I ruin her life, I blame myself for that. And I need to run away for what I've done.
This whole time, after she gone, I feel empty, everything I do is bitter, because all I ever wanted is for her to come back to me, but I know that is impossible, and that's all my fault. I can't be living like this, I need to do something, either apologizing so that we can be lover again, or turning my back and live in my past, where darkness swallow me so that I can be forgiven for my mistakes.
I know I can't be forgiven, but keep waiting is something I can't do well. So I'm asking myself, what would she do if she's in my place? I think she will be running to me as soon as possible, to ask for forgiveness, but I can't, especially now that she has gone, I don't deserve to live a life that can provide happiness and freedom while not knowing what she feels or does right now. So on this beautiful day, I make up my mind, this require a lot of courage but I will do it anyway. I will do what I have to do. I hope Rose can forgive me and understand me.
