the sun had already gone down by the time the show was over and we were all packed up. for that particular show i stood in the crowd and moshed a little bit. i could have spent my time pacing the merchandise setup outside, but i opted to watch the same show that i would watch about a hundred times that summer, just one more time.
i sat in the car as i waited for don to join me. loki and beng, other friends of mine, had already left to go back to the motel. after every show they took half of the merch we didn't sell in their car, and we took the other half.
over the half of year i had known loki at that point: we had grown to be pretty close. i was young: about to turn fourteen. she was young too, but she was fifteen. i knew that beng and loki had been together for a while before that summer but i never knew how long. i guess i never felt the need to know. it just seemed that permanent.
don flung himself into the black 2017 land rover he had been given by his mother for his sixteenth birthday. he always kept the seatbelt buckled and just pulled the top part over him whenever he got into the car. i'd known him for quite a while, too. he was my best friend. he would always come save the day when something went wrong, no matter what it was.
his aux cord was plugged in and pop-punk was playing softly as he drove quickly back to the motel. we didn't talk during that whole car ride. he was happy and i felt like if i said anything at all i would have ruined it without even trying.
the air that blew through the cracked windows was warm and tasted like dried apricots. summer. that's the word for it. although i hadn't been to school since sixth grade some sort of excitement surrounding the warm season had always built up for me.
i jumped out of the car, bunching up my blue baby blanket so that it didn't touch the ground. it was some time around 11:00, and i was rather tired from all of the concert atmosphere.
i let don swipe the card to unlock the door and pushed my way in. beng and loki were eating takeout while watching real housewives. the rooms we rented always had two queen size beds and a pullout couch. beng and loki shared one bed, don and i would share the other: or sometimes i would take the pullout.
during this stay i chose to take the pullout, resting all of my luggage beside it. i had one duffel bag: filled with clothes and things, one vans book bag: filled with toiletries, and one laundry basket: filled with bedding and blankets and pillows.
i took out a pair of black basketball shorts and a big grey hoodie, with a fresh pair of boxers and black socks. i brought those pajamas along with my body wash and shampoo plus conditioner to the bathroom. i turned the shower water on relatively hot and stepped into the shower.
i watched drops of brutally warm water slide down my brown sugar toned skin and kiss the gingerbread pigmented freckles as it washed away the grime that other people's hands had left on me. i felt like i was created anew, and for myself.
the bathmat was warm on my feet when i stepped out of the shower, like it was taken out of the dryer a few minutes before. i slid into my boxers and pulled on my shorts. i couldn't bring an entire closet with me so i often wore my grey 'Obey' hoodie during the day and to bed.
after putting away my things i sat at the small dining table in the middle of the the room. beng and don discussed what dealer they were inviting to the hotel room. i didn't like when dealers came to the room, it reminded me of living with my parents.
i dragged myself back to where i placed my things and dug out the black metal box. the lamp on the side table next to the pullout provided enough light for me to unlock the box and empty the contents. i chose a mid-sized dime out of the ziplock bag, placing the weed into the grinder. after a couple twists, a blunt wrap and some saliva: i had a grown fruit roll up.
packing the paraphernalia into my pocket, i grabbed my lighter and walked out of the room. i walked around the building, to the back where the pool was. the magenta and red neon letter lights reflected off of the water, and everything else for that matter. i sat on a sun bathing chair that was farther away from the water. it wasn't quiet, and i wasn't alone either.
usually, it happens at night, the band we roadied: stayed in the same motel as us. the band that opened for them, the middle of nowhere, did the same thing. the majority of both bands were celebrating their good show in the pool area. i figured that i was far away enough for them to not notice. i lit the blunt and took a heavy hit.
i blinked, but kept my eyes closed longer then usual. it was only a few seconds that everything was dark, but it seemed as if the world around me changed so much it was almost unrecognizable. as i opened my eyes to ash the pot and take another hit, i felt a new presence.
the curly headed boy who had suddenly appeared next to me giggled and glanced up from the book he was penning. "don't you think that smells?" he questioned me, still giggling.
i smiled, "smells like a good time: yeah."
he was a white boy. his brown curly hair matched his eyes. there were freckles splattered across his face, which was framed by a slightly distressed muscle tee. the two colors of light separated at the tip of his nose, and made his face glow.
"what does that do for you, anyway?" he closed the book and repositioned himself of the plastic poolside furniture.
"helps me enjoy things more," i felt him
looking at me "helps me take things in." i continued looking at the blunt as we talked.
he giggled and scooted his chair closer to mine. "mind if i try ?" his voice broke as he anxiously asked me.
"yeah, be careful." i passed him the blunt and watched him take a small puff.
"what's your name?" he asked me as he held the smoke in his throat, slowly letting it go and handing me the blunt.
i rolled my eyes at this question, but i kept smiling. i hated my name mostly because of the people who gave it to me. despite usually finding myself upset because of this question, i kept smiling and it seemed like i couldn't stop. i don't know if it was the weed, or if it was just the first time i met this kid: but i felt pretty alright.
"anubis emanuel. but you can call me nuu, if you want." i turned my head the other way and took my last hit, handing it back to him as i talked.
"that's a pretty name, pretty boy." he tilted his head down at me, "i'm finn. wolfhard. my band opens for it happens at night."
i wondered if he referenced the band because he recognized me or if he just decided to say something. i was sort of distanced. i was calm.
"nu! i got pizza!" don called to me from the gate.
i stood up and waved goodbye as i walked toward the gate. i felt sad as i left, but i also felt lifted. the butterflies didn't leave.
