Somebody, Wake me

Seven

When you left.... I felt some strange void inside me. I didn't know why. I didn't know you that well. But within that moment I actually felt someone's love and kindness for me. I thought it was real. Until you erased yourself from my mind. And now I suffer alone. The memory fading away as I try to hold on the little bit of it that I can. But was it worth it? Erasing yourself from my memory was it so easy for you??

It was 3 days since I had talked to Yongguk and I wondered if he was going to visit. I had been spending time with the members. Which was good because it distracted me. I opened up to them. Frankly enough I found out Himchan also struggled with an eating disorder so he helped me with that. As for Yongguk. He never is around. For some reason the members don't even know. Whenever I texted it was always an excuse "I can't make it sorry. Busy working " or "Family came to visit " or the one I really hated "I'm busy talk to you later" which in fact he never did. "So where should we go today?" Daehyun asked as he looked at me. I thought for a second as I swung my legs. "How about we go to a carnival?" I asked. The members laughed and nodded "sure!" Himchan said excitedly. Junhong smiled at me and held my hand "Sorry!" He pulled his hand away quickly "oooooh zelloooooo " the members teased him. I smiled and watched them but my mind continued to wonder about Yongguk.

After we had arrived at their company as planned we all began to discuss the rides we would go to first as we waited for the bus. "Hey look it's Yongguk hyung ! Let's ask him to join!" Daehyun said as he got up and ran to ask. Junhong stood next to me asking to take a selca. I looked away not wanting too as he began to tease me "Yah! You look pretty come on!" He said with a grin, I caved in and took one with him. "Hey hyung! Have a moment?" Daehyun asked. Yongguk nodded "Sure what's up?" He said. "We're going to a carnival come with us. Nana is coming too!" He said happily. Yongguk leaned over seeing Junhong and I messing around with Himchan. He smiled a bit until he looked back and then shook his head. "I can't I'm busy writing. I'm also about to leave. Going visit my family " he said. I turned seeing Yongguk and smiled widely as I ran over to hug him only to have him step back. "What?" I said. "Umm... Zelo is watching " he said. "So? I hug the others all the time and he says nothing " I said to him. "No. " he said coldly. I shook that off and smiled "I haven't seeing you in a few days come to the carnival with us!" I said happily. He stared at me coldly again "no, I don't want to" he said.

Daehyun watched as the tension began to rise, "why? You're always busy and you promised you would spend time with me" I frowned. "I lied. I don't want to. I don't like you. You're annoying. Your breakdowns are irritating. You always bother me when I'm busy. " his words were like swords piercing through me. The same words I heard a few years back. "Hyung... that's rude. You could've just said no nicely " Daehyun said as he stood in front of me the others noticed and began to walk forward "hey hey calm down what's going on?" Youngjae said. "I'm tired of you annoying me because you wanna see me. You're such a pain. Let's do this let's do that when can you visit? I have a life. How about you just forget about me hmm?" His voice boomed through my ears like the first time.

I froze as he threw every single insult at me. It hurt, every word was piercing through my skin. And with every word I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was going to drown. "Hey!" Himchan yelled. I flinched, "that's how you really feel?" I asked as I tried to make sense of everything. "Just leave me alone you're so irritating. God just shut up" he said with no emotion showing in his face. "That's enough!" Daehyun yelled as he stood in front of his hyung "what the heck hyung have respect " he said. I stumbled back as I felt the wind being knocked out of me. I tried to run but I numbed into Junhong who only pulled me to the side and pulled me close to relax me. I couldn't. It wasn't the same. But I had to force myself to accept the new comfort of a new person. I exhaled and held onto him. Yongguk walked inside as the car had arrived. I didn't know you felt that way. But then again everyone does eventually....