The Head and the Heart (The 100 - Bellamy Blake)

Chapter 3

Clarke was thinking back to when she first got back to Camp Jaha after escaping from Mount Weather.  She began to drift into memories of when she first saw Bellamy again after thinking he was dead.

*Flashback*

Clarke exited the tent with her mother, looking across to see Raven sitting down next to the tent.  Raven looked up at Clarke and a huge smile appeared on her face before she stood up.
"Hi."  Clarke greeted her, a smile on her face.  Clarke closed the distance between the two of them, enveloping Raven in a hug, which Raven gladly returned, both happy that the other was ok.
"I've been waiting out here all night. Abby said you needed sleep."  Raven said, getting up and walking over to her, a smile on her face.  Clarke then looked down and saw the brace on Raven's leg, her smile disappearing as she looked back up at Raven.
"Raven, I..." Clarke began, but didn't know the right words to say.
"Sucks, but I'm dealing with it."  Raven replied, already knowing what she was going to say.  Before either of them could say anything else, they heard a woman's voice coming from the direction of the gate.
"Open the gate."  She called.  With a loud noise, the gate slowly swung open.  Both of them looked towards the gate and Clarke couldn't describe the joy and relief she felt when she
"Bellamy."  She sighed in relief.  Raven could tell that she wanted to go to him.  Clarke, on the other hand, hesitated, looking back at Raven who smiled at her.
"Go. I'll catch up."  Raven said.  She could see just by the look on her face that Clarke would be longing to see Bellamy.
"Ok." Clarke replied with a smile.  She then turned back towards Bellamy and began running towards him.

Clarke saw Bellamy look at Octavia briefly before she threw herself at him, hugging him tightly.  He must have been surprised at this reaction because it took him a moment before he hugged her back.  When he did, however, he embraced her in a tight hug, holding her as close as possible.
"Now, there's something I thought I'd never see."  Clarke heard Octavia say.  They both pulled back and smiled at each other, two best friends reuniting after thinking the other was gone forever.  Clarke then turned to Octavia and hugged her as well.  "I'm glad you're ok."  Clarke heard Octavia whisper.
"You, too." She replied as the two pulled away.
"How many are with you?"  Bellamy asked.  Clarke could tell that he was hoping Sienna was with her, which was completely understandable.  Clarke also wished that her friends were with her, but unfortunately, that was not the case.
"None."  Clarke replied sadly.  The smile on Bellamy's face dropped immediately and Clarke felt bad about that so she decided to change the subject.  "Where's Finn?"  She asked, looking behind Bellamy and Octavia momentarily before looking back at Bellamy.  Bellamy and Octavia looked at each other before looking back at Clarke.
"Looking for you."  Bellamy said, his tone slightly strained, obviously still upset about Sienna.  

*Flashback ends*

Clarke was pulled out of her thoughts by Bellamy's voice.
"What're you thinking about?"  He asked.
"When I saw you again after thinking you were dead."  She replied.  "I can't describe the joy I felt at knowing you were alive and I hadn't killed you in the fire."  She added.  Bellamy could hear the different emotions in her voice.
"I can imagine."  He said.  "I thought you were dead as well remember?"  Bellamy reminded her.  Clarke looked down at her hands, guilt coursing through her body.  "Hey, it's ok.  We have everyone back, and they are all recovering.  In large part, that's because of you and I."  Bellamy said softly.
"But what about all the people we killed to get them back?"  Clarke asked.
"Clarke, you know you're not entirely to blame right?  I pulled the lever as well and Monty was the one who hotwired it in the first place."  Bellamy said. 
"I know.  It's just...we committed genocide Bellamy."  She said.
"It's not the first time."  He said morbidly.  "You don't think I still feel guilty about those 300 people from the Ark were killed because I was being selfish, or the grounders that we wiped out with the fire?"  He asked. "If we didn't pull that lever, Cage would have kept going.  All our people would be dead by now.  Your mother would be dead, Sienna would be dead, Octavia would be dead, Monty would be dead, all our friends and family would be dead, we would be dead.  Would you prefer that?"  Bellamy asked.  Clarke sighed, knowing he was right.  However, it still didn't make her feel better.
"No."  Clarke said softly.  Bellamy smiled sadly at her.  Clarke knew that he had had it harder than most, but he kept going and stayed strong despite everything.  She decided then and there that if he could stay strong after all he had been through, so could she.