*4 days later*
cami:
Thankfully Kj and I had continued to talk after our intimate night. I was still not sure what to think of it. Yes, in the end, it really didn't matter that we had sex and at least we cared about each other. But, I wasn't the type to sleep around and we hadn't even established anything. The only person I told was Lili and I did not want anyone else knowing about it. On set it wasn't awkward with Kj, I just couldn't tell if we were forming a relationship or not. He was sending me mixed vibes, one second he was flirty and asked me to dinner, and the next he hardly noticed me when he was with the guys.
I arrived at set earlier than usual, as I'm typically late. I set my things down and heard a knock on my trailer door. I opened it, and behind was Kj.
"Hey I just wanted to talk, yanno just us." He said and walked on in. I felt sick to my stomach.
"Kj about that night, we were both drunk and I know it's not going to be the same now, I feel like an idiot." He gently laced his hand through my hair and said,
"It's my fault too and I feel bad, I didn't want it to go that far either." I gulped. He feels bad? Ugh this is not the conversation I wanted to have this early in the morning.
"Kj do you like me or not? Because I really don't know." I said pulling away.
"Ok damn, I was just trying to lighten the mood a bit. I told you I liked you." He said apologetically. I forced a small smile. I truly regretted the fact that Kj and I had sex before even somewhat dating. I felt that he was almost forced into a relationship with me now that we were so intimate. Beyond that fact, I was in an awful mood and my stomach ached.
"Kj I really don't wanna talk about this." I said and walked over to the sink. My voice trembled and I knew I was about to throw up.
"Wait, are you okay? You don't seem okay." He said and placed his palm on the small of my back. Just as he finished getting out his sentence I threw up into the sink.
"Cami oh my god. I'm sorry did I make you that upset?" He said rushing for a paper towel.
"No I've felt sick all morning." She said as she took the towel from my hand.
"Well do you need anything? Medicine, water?" He asked like the gentleman he is. I really hated for him to see me like this. I wished I could just have him hold me in his arms and tell me he loved me. With much regret I said,
"No Kj, I would rather not get you sick so can you please go?" I said, holding back tears. I knew deep down, that I wasn't sick. I couldn't face the truth, and I shouldn't be pushing him away.
"No Cami I can't leave you like this." Kj said wrapping his arms around me. I didn't deserve him. I cried into his shoulder and couldn't control it any longer.
"Cami what is wrong? Please talk to me. It's not that you threw up is it?" He begged. I kept my face burried against him and didn't say a word. My breath was short as he gently rubbed my back. After a few moments I finally spoke,
"There's something that I really need to take care of and I'll come back to you, I promise, but I need to do this by myself." I loosened our hug and looked into his eyes. Mine were red and glossed over from crying so hard. He paused and stared into my eyes.
"Can I come with you?" He asked.
"No," I whispered and bit my lip. My heart was aching but I knew that even if Kj were to come it would be the same outcome. I knew I had to face what I was ashamed of. That night with Kj was a night I would never forget. I didn't even know how I was going to tell him that I was carrying his baby, but I needed to be sure of it myself.
"I'm going to go now, I'll be back soon." I said and gave him another hug. He kissed me softly on the forehead and said,
"Well I'm dying to know what it is so don't be too long." I hurried out the door and he followed me out. I wiped the remainder of my tears away from my face and walked towards the parking lot.
Without saying anything else I got in my car and went to the nearest grocery store. I reached for several pregnancy tests and although embarrassed, I paid for them and returned to my trailer. Trembling I opened the packages and followed the instructions. I looked at myself in the mirror and watched as I cried, waiting for the results. It read exactly as I had expected. Positive. I was mostly angry at myself for being so stupid, and was not prepared whatsoever to talk to Kj about this. It would absolutely ruin our friendship, let alone both of our careers. I just couldn't imagine him being okay with this, what if he was so turned away that he wouldn't talk to me again?
