as a kid, jimin always got laughed at. whether it was because his voice is on a higher end or the way he walks. the way his eyes are a little too small or too slanted, or how he's heavier and bigger than the other boys his age. jimin was always laughed at.
the laughing soon followed all the name calling. from "fatty" to "ugly", it just kept coming.
he then started hearing all the teasing and the words, "your parents doesn't love you, who would love a fat ugly kid?" from his classmates.
jimin was holding okay, he was doing fine. his grandma said to not let the words get to him, and he tried. but with the kids in his school telling him that his parents doesn't love him, and the fact that he doesnt know where his father is and why he's living with his mother , grandmother and grandfather, jimin thought so otherwise.
then, all the physical bullying started happening. the pushing and the punches came. the kicks and smacks too. but no one helped jimin.
at the age of 15, jimin was covered in scars and bruises that he refused to show his grandma. he couldn't tell her, always opting to say that, "i had a wonderful day today grandma! my friends and i played tag and oh, grandpa! i learnt how to build a bird house today!"
at a young age, jimin felt insecurity and the feeling of being ashamed of his own body. a feeling that no kid should feel.
and it was all because of jeon jeongguk.
he wasn't sure why he harboured feelings for the said boy. jeongguk pushed him around and called him names, he got the other kids to bully him. more so often, jimin would lie in his bed, awake and staring at the white ceiling of him room, asking himself "why do i like jeongguk?"
jimin concluded that it was because of jeongguk's looks. he sure didn't like the negative attention jeongguk gave him, with him being nice to teachers, parents and classmates while he treated jimin like he was a nobody. he can't- no he wouldn't let himself fall for someone like that. so jimin concluded that it was because of jeongguk's big brown irises and the way he smiles, yes its because of his looks.
a year later, jimin's mother died. the paramedics said that she was coming home from her night shift when a drunken driver had collided with her car. they said she could have made it alive if only someone had witnessed the scene and had called an ambulance earlier.
at the age of 16, jimin had been doing his maths homework when his grandparents came to his room to 'talk.' he can remember his grandpa and how he told him that his mom died from blood loss and not from the car crash itself. she had been breathing and was barely alive- she could have made it. and jimin remembers the way he turned his back to his grandparents who sat on the edge of his bed. he looked down at his homework sheet, took in the formulas and numbers, trying to busy himself and pretend that none of this was real. he remembers how he gripped on his pencil tightly, nearly breaking it, and how the tears couldn't stop as he muttered the formula for pie.
all while his grandparents sadly watched their grandson cry, with even their own eyes brimmed with tears.
at the age of 16, not only did park jimin felt the feeling of insecurity and the feeling of being ashamed of his own body, but he also felt what it's like to loose a mother. now, the feeling of being alone had been added to his list.
. . . . . .
on some occasions, where everything doesn't seem right and he feels insecure and just giving up- jimin likes to visit his mother's grave. just like today.
a year had finally passed. jimin's 21 and managed to down his weight to an outstanding 54kg.
he remembers his first month of his new lifestyle as horrendous. but as time went by, all the gym sessions, yoga classes and dance practices has paid off. his dance teacher praised him for his new body. he lost 20kg in 6 months (a pretty nice achievement if jimin says so himself) and even took swimming classes to add on to his healthy diet.
he gets praised now, with his new weight and with taehyung helping him pick a new set of clothes, jimin became popular. he became a new person.
he didn't get judgemental stares or snorts and snickers as he passed by. he was greated, smiled at and people actually wanted to hang out with jimin. he didnt get called "seokjin's little fat friend" or "that dude" , people actually know and remember his name. he's park jimin, the beautiful dance major.
and jimin loved that.
but sometimes, he can hear faint laughters at the back of his mind. no, they weren't caused by joy. there are days where jimin would stand and look at himself in the mirror, naked. and he would see the small scars from his childhood and jimin can hear faint laughters as he examined every part of his body in a scrutinized gaze.
jimin would then find himself silently crying as he imagines his fat figure staring back at him with a sad smile. because then, when he decides to get dressed with a dampened mood, jeongguk's harsh voice is telling him to, "kill yourself because no one loves you."
jeongguk's voice booms in his ears and the laughter consumes his mind. everything is too loud.
jimin decides to visit his mother.
sitting right beside her gravestone with white lilies in his hands, jimin silently prays. prays that his mother is doing just fine and that she's hopefully staring down at him, guiding jimin through life. he prays that she's happy and wishes that she could see what her wonderful son has achieved so far. he prays for his family's health. prays that wherever his father may be, that he is happy. jimin prays for better days.
then he proceeds to talk to his mother in a soft, quiet voice. telling her secrets and all the insecurity that he has.
for a moment, the laughter is quiet and jimin can't hear jeongguk's voice.
it's just him and his mom.
just like when she was still beside him.
a|n as always, let me know if there's grammar errors and spelling mistakes since i dont usually edit my chapters lol. damn, i haven't updated in so long. and not even joking but i actually had like, 3 drafts of this chapter.
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anyways, im gonna try to update more and also write more since this was only a filler chapter.
((yo also i just noticed that in the first few chapters of the book, i wrote jk's name as "jungkook" and then in the more recent chapters i had spelt it as "jeongguk" lmao sorrY PLEASE FORGIVE ME))
