Forgiven (Rizzoli and Isles)

Chapter 1

Maura's POV

You did this. What is your problem, Maura? You had it all, and you threw it away. You thought you could still be friends with her?

"Wait, you're going on a date?" I asked Jane.

"Well, I was asked out on a date. I told her I'd think about it and get back to her by lunch."

I looked at my watch and raised my eyebrows. "It's 11:38, Jane."

"I know!"

She's going to ask you what you think and you're going to get upset. You know what will happen. Just walk away, Maura!

"Shut up!" I mumbled to myself.

You're still in love with her. You miss her.

"Ugh...go away! Go, go, go!" I said.

"Well then..." Jane said.

She started to get off the couch and I stood up from my desk in my office.

"No, J! Not you."

"Are you alright, honey?"

I smiled at the fact she called me 'honey'.

"I'm fine." Sort of.

"C'mon, we were together for six years, Maur. When you say you're 'fine' it usually means you will break at any minute."

I glanced at the the clock behind her. 11:42.

"You should be thinking about how to answer the woman who asked you out."

"That's actually why I'm here." She said biting her lip.

Sexy.

"Jane, please don't do this..."

"Should I go? On the date, I mean?"

"Jane, please, I can't do this-"

"Maura! I need your help!"

"Why would you ask me how I feel about you going on a date? I'm the woman you're divorcing!"

Jane sighed. "Please, Maura?"

I walked over to her and stood between her legs and put my hands on her shoulders.

Bold move, Isles.

"I don't want you to go out with this other woman. I don't want you to go because I don't want to let you go. I'm not ready to let you go. I don't want another woman's filthy hands on you. I don't want another woman tangling her hands in your hair, or her lips kissing you, or running her tongue over the scar on your neck. I don't want to watch you love someone the way you used to love me."

She stared blankly at me, but I realized that her hands were resting gently on my hips.

"I guess that makes me a little selfish, doesn't it?" I asked with a chuckle.

Jane shook her head. "It's been two years."

I guess she didn't hear anything you said.

"Go on the date, Jane. Excuse me."

"Maura! Hey, don't walk away from me like that!"

Jane followed me out to the Autopsy Room and grabbed my elbow to turn me around.

"I'm not sure what you want from me!" I cried. "Please, just go."

"Honey, please don't be like this."

"Stop, Jane. I'm confused and I want to be alone for awhile. Just leave me alone!"

I pulled my arm out of her grasp and walked into the lab.

She followed me once again.

"Maura, I just wanted to know how you felt about it. I didn't mean to piss you off!"

"You didn't, Jane! I'm just upset! I'm sad, okay?! I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at myself. I did this to myself! If it weren't for me and my inability to keep my legs closed, we'd still be married, you wouldn't be going out tonight, and I wouldn't sit at home and cry on my daughter's shoulder or buy the whole god damned Amazon Company!" I shouted as a tear escaped from my eye.

Jane stood still for a moment, looking at the ground and shifting her weight from side to side, as if she didn't know what to do or say.

"Maur..." Jane breathed. "I...I don't know..."

Jane walked closer and offered her hands to me. I took them and she pulled me into a tight embrace.

"Honeybee, I know it's hard. I know this is almost impossible for you. It's almost impossible for me, and I made this decision. Don't cry. Please don't cry."

I sighed. My head was resting on her shoulder and my arms were around her waist. Her arms were around me.

My lab techs had the radio playing. I saw an iPhone plugged into it. The song we danced to at our wedding started playing and I buried my head into Jane's shoulder to try to keep myself from crying.

She pulled me in tighter and started swaying to the music.

In the still of the night

I held you, held you tight

'Cause I love, love you so

Promise I'll never let you go

In the still of the night

A shrill ring came from Jane's phone.

She slowly let go, and looked at the screen.

I looked down at my watch. 11:57 a.m.

"It's...I've gotta...She needs an answer..."

I nodded.

"Hello?" Jane answered. "Yeah, Melissa, hi. Uh, I'm not sure tonight will work for me. My...friend...is going through a nasty divorce and she really needs someone tonight. Yeah, tomorrow is...yeah. Okay, see you then."

Jane looked up and smiled at me.

"You lied to her."

"No, I didn't. You are my friend. You are getting divorced, you do need someone tonight."

"Jane, it can't be you." I whined.

"Why not?"

"You want me to pour my heart out to you about you?"

"I do." Jane said, happily.

"I suppose you'll be joining Emily, Antonio, Zoey, and I for dinner also?"

"Of course! Will my mother be there?"

I frowned.

"Your mother doesn't come around much anymore. When she does, it is to see Emily or pick Zoey up for the weekend. She tolerates me."

"I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "It isn't your fault. She caught me having an affair. I'd be the same way if I caught Antonio with any woman besides our daughter. Anyhow, I'll see you in a few hours. I'm going to head home and take a nap."

"Okay. Be careful. Text me when you get home so I know you got there safe."

"Safely!" I corrected, walking away.

"Yeah! Safely, I knew that!" Jane called after me.