Past and Present - A Modern Day Romance of North & South

CHAPTER FOUR - DOUBTS AND DESIRES

The velvet timbre of his voice threatened to undermine her simmering disdain in an instant as the warm embrace of unexpected familiarity enveloped her. As she met his eyes she saw that they, like the cadence in his voice, were at odds with the stern, rather piqued expression that he wore. She couldn’t tell what he was really thinking, whether he was angry or amused by her audacious remark concerning his sister. Certainly she hadn’t meant to offend him; it had just seemed a natural question to ask in the light of the circumstances he'd laid before her. She shouldn’t have to feel embarrassed by it, but even as this thought came into her head she became aware of an invasive heat seeping across her face, burning her skin like a brand. The fact that he noticed it mortified her even more and Margaret turned her head abruptly away so that he was left with only her profile to consider. 

“It was just a thought,” she began, overwhelmed by a need to defend herself. She didn’t look at him as she spoke, her gaze fixed determinedly upon the scene beyond the window. Several cars ambled by, their momentum greatly hampered by the speed bumps that reared like concrete monsters at regular intervals along the road. A lady in a rather florid looking headscarf pottered past the house with her dog, casting a vague glance about her as she went, quite missing Margaret watching her. Margaret grimaced. Out there, there was movement and a feeling of continuity. In here, in this neat, modest room, with this man who seemed to pervade it so thoroughly with his presence, there was only a sense of stillness, as though time had ground to a complete halt. 

“A very personal one considering that you don’t even know my sister,” he remarked brusquely across the short distance that separated them, his usual gruffness returning. 

Just the harsh timbre of his voice restored Margaret’s dislike for him once more. “That’s true,” she conceded, feeling now that having recovered her loathing for the man she could look him in the eye with impunity. It was unlikely, of course, given the fractious nature of their association, that she would ever know his sister personally. Or Steven. Or any other member of his family for that matter. It didn’t stop her from continuing, her inherent reserve bowing like a reed to the potent pull of simple curiosity. “But,” she continued, thoughtfully. “Haven’t you wondered if she’s happy?”

“No,” came the somewhat terse response. He rubbed his forefinger and thumb across his forehead, his shoulders heaving in mounting agitation. “I didn’t actually consider it to be any of my business.”

“She’s obviously come home for a reason – and if you’re going to talk to her about it then that makes it your business doesn’t it?”

How on earth did she manage it? Worming her way into his conscience the way that she did, questioning him when he would rather be able to shut his mind to it until he was ready? She stood there, her back held straight and her chin tipped upward in that defiant attitude which he had so quickly become accustomed to. She regarded him with the ignorance of a stranger, from the perspective of someone so utterly unaware of the history surrounding his family, yet with the intimacy of a long-standing confidante. He had thought that he could separate this matter with Fran and Steven from everything else, but it had been a futile hope. God knows, he knew now that he shouldn’t even have started this conversation. He was a fool to have done so, blindly following a desire to purge himself in Margaret’s eyes of the sort of thug she suspected him to be. He should have known that she would ask questions – more questions than he was prepared to answer. 

Suddenly restless he paced abruptly towards the fireplace, standing there before it, staring mindlessly down at the irregular lumps of artificial coal in the sparkling brass grate, all the time conscious of Margaret watching him from the sanctuary of the window. He had never felt so vulnerable, so exposed. Stirred into life once more, it was almost as if he could feel the icy tentacles reaching out from the past, seeking to ensnare him in absolute misery.