A Fire fighters Daughter

Eighteen: The Letter

"Take your time Alex Jesus Christ" Abi barely greeted at the door, flustered is understatement! Resting hand from Kevin as he steered her inside

"Abi Darling what's wrong?" He asked
"Nothing.." raising her arms high
"Then why the panic and the raised voice?"
"Dad really... huh" she disappeared upstairs
"You two go do coffees I'll go see her" Jessica followed Abi upstairs

"Weird about the letter dad no?" Pulling it of a pocket
"Yeah guess.. are you going to read it?"
"Guess just to see who it from.. she couldn't tell me who he was"
"Alex... think... your dad maybe?"
"No... why would he drop a letter to her to give me when he should have been meeting me"
"Advise??"
"Please?"
"Read it.. I think it is from him"
"You know it's from him?"
"Has to be... go sit in the conservatory and I'll sort the drinks"

Taking the letter I perched on the soft Chanel sofa and began to read.

"Dearest Alex,
Firstly I want to say sorry for everything. I know you will have many questions that need to be answered! Sorry if I don't answer them all! I guess if you are reading this letter I haven't met you as planned. I'm assuming for many reasons I have changed my mind because do you really need me in your life? No not really Darling. Kevin has been an amazing father to you and I know I could never take his place nor would I want too I am so very much grateful to him for taking you on as his.

But firstly you need to know that I did love your mother very much! She was the light in my dark and completely my world! I have no choice I had to leave. I still remember the day she told me we were pregnant with you! A day I'll never forget.
The cafe we were meant to meet in, it's funny that is where I met your mother and actually as kids we had our first date there.. funnily strange you selected that cafe...

So questions I am assuming you have.

1: why did I leave - like I said I had no choice your grandparents didn't approve of me. I didn't come from best of backgrounds and I'll admit it I fell into the wrong group of people too which hadn't helped them not liking me! Yes I left because I didn't want to cause you or your mum any pain. You might say I failed and yes I did and yes I was weak to leave but I knew you both would be worse of with me in your life.

2: why didn't I contact you or fight for you - it was a losing battle I could never win! Your mum needed everything possible and I could not give her it! Your mum never stopped me seeing you! She never Denied me of you. But it was too hard. I held you once when you were born and Kevin wasn't around then! But you were perfect. And it confirmed I couldn't be in your life.. i shortly went into prison just went off the rails and hit rock bottom.

3: why didn't I find you- I didn't need too. Your mum sent me letters with updates, photos, paintings. I knew Kevin when at school and he couldn't have been even more of a better person to take you on and I knew he was doing well for himself so I had no worries about you.
She sent me updates so I felt I didn't need to find you I knew where you were, I passed you a few times when you were out with friends.. I knew you were good & I had no right to stop you and say... hi I'm your dad when you didn't know I even existed

3: Did I remarry? Have children? - yes to both! My wife is a wonderful lady and I don't quite know how I have managed to have her! She saved me from a bad time in my life. She has always known of you. You need to know you have never been a hidden secret! My kids.
2 girls and 1 boy, four grandchildren, Luke is 28 and has 1 boy who's 5 years old, Kelly my eldest is 32 same age as you roughly she has 1 of each Who are 18 months and 3 and then there's Amy who is 30 and has twin girls who are 2 years old & Yes they know about you.

Again I hope these would be your questions and I am sorry if they aren't! Your never were a secret to me and my family. I'm so proud of you Alex and I am sorry I left you but you weren't left because I didn't love you, I loved you very much and that is why I left.. please believe me! I pray you don't hate me but I understand if you do and I know I will never change it.
My children wish they knew you and they understand if you can't have anything to do with them.. I have said this isn't a option however if you feel the need to speak with them...... Contact Kelly - 07812 692 018 she asked me to add her number for you, she doesn't want you to feel pressured it's your decision! And kelly can give you everything your mum sent me!

I am sorry to hear about your mother. You might see her faults and flaws but she loved you and I know I played a part as to why she disappeared! I hope one day we know where she could be!

Again Alex I'm sorry I have let you down before and today. You have Kevin and he is amazing man and I treasure he took you in! I couldn't be thankful enough to him.

Take care
Always my love
Tom
Xx

***

"Here you go.." dad placed a mug next to me
"Well? It's from Tom?"
"Yeah... What a arsehole." Chucking it to the floor
"Don't be angry with him.. it's your sisters wedding day"
"Actually I Pitty him.. says the reasons .. read it" chucking it in his direction, gingerly reading it and said bluntly

"It's true.. your mothers parents didn't like him or agree of him. He fell into the wrong crew! It happens and your grandad could have a temper!"

"So your saying grandad was a nasty man?"

"No not nasty had a temper and he didn't like Tom..." his eyes trailed the rest of the letter line by line

"And saying mum wrote to him! Why would she?"

"She did write to him.. i wasn't happy about but I wouldn't stop her... she always wrote at end of letter please don't contact us.. and he never did. She just didn't want to regret not sharing you with him"

"It's a joke.. he stood me and he gave it to that lady in the cafe! He must have been watching! Thats bloody sick"

"Alex calm down.. and come back here"

"No... sod him.. I don't need him I have done this on my own for over 30 years! And..... and he has the cheek to pass me his eldest daughters telephone number... what why?"

Her face was getting redder and redder by the moment... her words were getting quicker and quicker!

"Because he doesn't want to deprive you of knowing your half siblings."

"Why are you defending him"

"I'm not however his letter is pretty honest & maybe think about getting your mothers letters it might piece the puzzle together"

"Piece the puzzle together: I have no puzzle to piece together"

"Really... Okay.. look calm down think about. I'm not arguing with you. Tom was being honest and yes maybe again he has let you down and maybe you don't want to listen to the letter he has written and listen to me that's fine.. however young lady today is your sisters wedding day and regardless of how your feeling get your shit together & put aside your feelings just for today okay and then we will deal with it tomorrow over our hang overs.. you Sophia are my daughter and I love you very very much. Like it or not his letter was all true and heart felt. Your old enough to make your own decision and if you need advise I'll give it and today also is your decision to play happy for your sister. So calm down and when your ready go see your sister." And Kevin left the the room.