All the Time in the World (English)

Chapter 18 - Miriam White

"Sit there," Alicia ordered, pointing to a chair, and she grabbed a brush, brandishing it with the same fierceness of a warrior wielding a sword.
Guy looked at her, a little worried.
"I've already combed my hair, Alicia."
"I know, but maybe it's best to tie it up. Maybe we should have cut it, but by now it's too late to think about it."
"Does it matter so much? And anyway I'm not going to cut my hair in the fashion of this century."
"It's important that you make a good impression. You are about to meet some members of the association we have already talked about, and I want to be sure they accept our application. They have many requests and your case is at the margins of their area of action."
"I showered, I shaved and I wore the clothes you gave me, what's the difference if my hair is short or long?"
Alicia sank the brush between his locks, smoothing them and collecting them in a tidy ponytail.
"Guy, I just want you to have a serene life, this association is a too good opportunity for you, I don't want to leave anything to chance."
"I know and I'm grateful to you. And that's why I endured all those tests, even when they seemed pretty nonsensical. By the way, what did they say then? How much crazy am I?"
"They didn't find brain damages, but in the end they attributed your 'amnesia' to the trauma that you suffered when you were injured. I think they have never met a case like yours, they weren't sure how to evaluate it."
"When I was asked all these questions, I wasn't entirely honest. I think that much of what I did for the sheriff wouldn't have made a good impression on the people of this time."
"Yes. Better avoid talking about it. Here, you're ready now. Shall we go?"
Guy nodded, standing up to follow her.
"Alicia, don't get your hopes high, they will never choose me."
"Why do you say that?"
"Why should they? The only thing I was good at was to obey orders, and look where it brought me. I'm not full of resources like Robin or determined as a sheriff, and at this time I can't do absolutely nothing useful."
"Stop talking like that. You have to have more confidence in yourself, dear," Alicia stopped to brush an invisible speck of dust from his sweater and she stroked his cheek. "Stay calm and it will be all right."
Guy smiled.
"Oui, maman..."
"What did you say?!"
Alicia turned and stared at him, and Guy was afraid she'd been offended because of his words.
"I was just kidding, sorry."
"No, no, I didn't take offense, but did you just speak French?"
"My mother was French. She often spoke with us in her native language."
"Do you also know other languages?"
"Some Latin. Do you think that it can be a problem?"
"It will make a great impression instead. Now come, we don't want to be late."
"What will happen during the meeting?"
"Today's just a little more than a presentation, there will be some members of the humanitarian association, some of the psychologists who have examined you, and the social worker, and we will schedule some other meetings with the members of the association, at the end of which they will tell us if you are fit for their program or not."
"And what do I have to do today?"
"Nothing special, just be calm, and answer their questions."
Guy nodded and he followed Alicia to the room that would host the meeting.
The doctor opened the door, whispered to him that the others had already arrived and she stepped aside to let him enter the room.
Gisborne came into the room, suddenly tense. He knew Alicia was very nervous about that meeting and she had transmitted that agitation to him too.
He was intimately convinced that he didn't have many possibilities. How many times had the sheriff called him inept? How many failures did he have to face each time he tried to take the initiative to accomplish something?
But Alicia seemed to really believe in him and Guy didn't want to disappoint her. The only way to thank the people who had saved his life and who had taken care of him was to prove to them that he was worthy of it.
He glanced at the people in the room and recognized some of the doctors he had met in the previous weeks, while a small group of persons who he didn't know yet was standing in front of the refreshment table, sipping a cup of tea. From his position near the door, Guy could see the face of two of the strangers, a man and a woman, while a third person, another younger woman, was hidden from his sight by the other two.
The strangers turned when they heard him and Alicia coming in, and approached them.
The man and the woman came forward, but Guy didn't hear their names, because his attention had been completely absorbed by the face of the third girl.
He froze, almost petrified, staring at her as she approached him, looking at those features he had thought lost forever, at her face, so loved, that he hadn't even been able to see in dreams since he had destroyed it.
"Marian..." He whispered, without even realizing that he had pronounced that name aloud until the girl shook her head laughing.
"Almost. My name is Miriam, Miriam White. And you must be Guy, right? Pleased to meet you, I've heard a lot about you."
Guy thought that he wouldn't be able to take another breath, that his heart would continue to beat faster and faster until it exploded into his chest, and that he would die there, at the feet of that woman identical to Marian.
Suddenly, just when he thought that he would fall to the ground, he had the impression of feeling a touch on his shoulders, light as a blowing breeze, and Meg's voice talked softly to him.
Keep calm, because your future might depend on it.
He breathed and forced himself to look at Miriam: the girl was holding her hand to him after introducing herself.
Take her hand.
Guy mechanically obeyed Meg's voice and he took the girl's hand, whispering his name. Her fingers were strong and fresh, and he remembered one of the few times that he had held Marian's hand, when he had put his engagement ring on her finger. Then Marian had shivered at his touch and he had thought that she was shy. Only after a long time he had realized that it had been a shiver of disgust at the idea of marrying him.
A moment later, Miriam's hand left his, and the girl went to sit next to her colleagues, without even noticing how shocked he had been.
Alicia touched his arm.
"All right, Guy?"
Gisborne didn't reply, but he followed her and dropped into the chair, keeping his eyes low, without daring to lift his gaze from the table top.
The doctor gave him a worried look, wondering why he had become so pale and tense. Perhaps it was her fault, she shouldn't have stressed so much the importance of that encounter and loaded him with too many expectations, but now she couldn't afford to talk to him to calm him down, she had to concentrate on what she had to say to present Guy's case in the best way.
She spoke with the members of the association and answered their questions, turning to Guy from time to time. Gisborne was much quieter than usual and his tense expression changed into a sort of detachment, an impassive mask that Alicia had never seen on his face but that, she guessed, had to be the same he had when he was working for the Sheriff of Nottingham and he was forced to act against his conscience.
When someone questioned Guy, he answered shortly in a polite and impersonal tone, as if the question didn't concern him, but somebody else.
When the meeting ended, Alicia breathed a sigh of relief, said goodbye to the members of the association and the psychologists of the hospital, and waited for them to go out of the room before walking out too. Guy followed her dejectedly, without saying a word, and she worried even more. It was obvious that there was something wrong with him, but she couldn't understand what and he didn't answer her questions.
In the middle of a corridor, Alicia stopped and stood in front of Guy to block his road.
"What happened? Was the meeting too stressful for you? Tell me something, it's clear that you're not okay, I just want to help you."
Gisborne looked around with frightened eyes, as if he was looking for a way to escape, and his gaze stopped on a nearby door.
"Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom," he said quickly, and he disappeared past the door before she could react.
Alicia sighed. Maybe before the meeting Guy had been a bit nervous, but she had been the most concerned one, while now Gisborne seemed about to collapse. That cold attitude was clearly a reaction to a strong emotional stress, even though she couldn't understand what caused it.
The interview had been very superficial and had the only purpose of being an introduction. Guy had undergone much more challenging tests and meetings with the hospital commission, he had no reason to react like that.
The doctor looked apprehensively at the closed door and she decided that she would give him some more time to vent and calm down before knocking and asking if he was feeling well.
She had just taken that decision when she heard a dull thud on the other side of the door, and then Guy started screaming.