walking backwards (sequel to THE GIRL)

FIVE: GARDEN (SAY IT LIKE DAT)

"You keep me down to earth. Call on my bullshit, lie to me and say my booty getting bigger even if it aint, love me even if it rains, love me even if it pains you..."

SONG: GARDEN (SAY IT LIKE DAT)
ARTIST: SZA

Holding someone else's hand felt different. The idea of pressing myself to someone other than Brianna for three minutes was almost completely undesirable. She was completely different from Brianna and maybe that's what was making me feel so diluted. I felt like I was being held in suspension from the girl before me. I should have been happy that I was willing to dance with someone else. That my shoes were moving to the beat of a completely different song with a completely different person. I should have felt different looking at this girl who was moving her hands slowly along the back of my neck. I should have felt different that she was touching me. That this wasn't Brianna.

"You're somewhere else," She stated simply and made me look down into her eyes. They were green and they reminded me of this place in Oregon. She was a breath of fresh air. "Listen to the song."

It was a really choppy attempt at Love Will Tear Us Apart and all I could think about is how the chord progression was shaking throughout the entire song. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the good parts of the song. However, there weren't any. There weren't any good aspects to any of it. There was nothing good about this.

"I want to get drunk," I stated simply and watched a little glint of humour flash across her eyes. I, however, was completely serious. I wanted to look over at Brianna and analyze the look in her eyes. "Right now."

"Is this you trying to get out of dancing with me?" Benny quipped a little smile, her black nails coming to rest over the lap of my suit jacket.

"Absolutely not," I laughed and meant it. I liked dancing with her. The song felt wrong. The mood felt wrong. Brianna was dominating every thought of mine and it wasn't helping the fact that I wanted to focus on this girl who was clearly trying to get to know me. "I just need a drink. I'm too sober to get through this shitty cover of one of my favorite songs."

Benny laughed and I tried to hold onto the sound, but I caught Brianna. She looked beautiful in her dress. She looked beautiful being her. She looked beautiful laughing with Lola. She looked beautiful. It was the thing he had known for sure. He didn't want to stop staring. Benny swallowed when she realized she wasn't holding his attention anymore.

"I--Um--I'm going to go get us drinks," She spoke softly and then tore herself away from the intensity of which I had been staring at my ex-wife. I nodded and smiled apologetically before making way toward Brianna.

She looked over at me immediately, holding her smile. "Hi," It was delivered softly. Almost like if she had spoken any louder I would have been scared away. She reached for my hand and squeezed. "Were you dancing with Benny?"

"Sort of," I exhaled and frowned when she took her hand away. "What's going on?"

"Calum is getting shots right now," Lola explained and pushed a stray hair strand away from her face. "We're going to drink before we cut the cake."

"Sounds like a plan," I bit down on my lip and watched my best friend make way through the crowd of people who were congratulating him. He smiled at the sight of me and egged me with one of the shots sitting on the tray covered in tequila shots. "You guys are getting drunk."

Brianna smiled. "Kind of feels necessary now, actually," She muttered and then is when I realized. She had been looking at Benny and me the entire time. This was Brianna being passive aggressive over the fact that I was dancing with another woman.

"B," I groaned which was retaliated with a swift hand-off of a tequila shot. I held it in my hands and watched as she prepped herself for the alcohol, licking the salt and lime puddle off of the top of her hand and then proceeded with the shot.