In Her Eyes

the girl who left

I wish I could say, I  stopped loving her, but you see that would be a lie, and I dont wanna lie.

As easy as it is to say your over someone its harder to actually be over someone. To forget the way they're smiles, quirks, brains, made you feel. You can't forget how someone made you feel it's like iron in your memory.

Carl W. Beuchner once said " they may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel".

Gracie made me feel like I could do anything like I was actually worth someone's time. Of course I got hurt, She didn't see me the way I saw her, but I still liked her.

She made my heart scream to hold her and protect her, and yet I never could. Since I couldn't do what I so badly wanted there was a torrent of emotions that ran through me like a storm, even when I was at home eating cearal or reading.   

Our letters stopped and we became distant from eachother, for a while I was sad we still talked.

sometimes, rarely, but sometimes I felt like she wanted to talk to me just as much as I wanted to talk to her, and those sparks of hope were enough for me to keep holding on.

  In romance novels there are  happy    ending where the two main characters fall in love. The two face a few hardships but they eventually realize there undying love for eachother get married have a few kids, and boom happy ending.

See my life was never much of a romance novel. Two things where wrong with my story. First Gracie didn't love me, and. Second I was moving an hour away, changing schools and leaving everything behind.

When I told gracie I was moving she didn't take me seriously so life moved on the same for months because at home we where having a hard time finding a place.

Im not an idiot so as it got closer to  moving day I pushed for gracie's effection with a new found desperation. I didn't have the rest of the year to get her comfortable around me so I could hug her whenever I wanted, which was my original goal.

Every opportunity that was handed to me to hold her or brush my hand against hers I took, And my determination was rewarded.

Her and I would goof off just a bit we playing with paper balls trying to get the balls in between peoples leg

we talked like  friends which was a great accomplishment. We where okay, it wasn't perfect but it was thrilling for me to see how far I could push the boundary I set out for myself.

I learned how to tell her I loved her in sign launguage which I did quite often, she always responded with "i
In which way?" .Of course I would say "friends" which was just a white lie. 

As my time at our school began to fade away into nights and days I grew nervous and began ripping myself apart.

I had pushed for her for effection and had permission to hug her if gained the confidence that is. I wanted to, don't get me wrong but it was terrifying.

So one day, I had my mind set I was going to hug her. Keep in mind I've only hugged this girl twice once the year before, and once in August when I was high on adrenaline and didn't realize I had done it.

So one day as lunch came to an end I took her route instead of mine. We talked, for a bit. As we got closer to her classroom I asked the most nerve racking question ever.