i swear to fuck i hate my school so much
i'm the only girl in my year who goes through what i do, so i don't have someone to relate to or at least someone who understands
i'm not a loser, nor am i popular but there's nobody else i know who falls into the space that i fall into
i'm the only lesbian in my whole year and i'm shut off from everyone else a little., like ever since i came out to everyone i've slowly become more and more unpopular, just dipping under the line that separates the weirdos and the "normal" people, and although lately i've done my best to climb back up, just enough to fit in, i'm barely hanging in there and it feels like a single moment of vulnerability or just being myself could ruin it all for me and i'd have to try and build it back up for myself and slowly have to lose my personality just to uphold some semblance of normality
i cant be proud of who i am in that environment because there's nobody who i could be like that around without being seen as predatory or weird
girls are afraid to compliment me the way they compliment their other (straight) friends; they're 'gorgeous' or 'beautiful' or even just 'pretty', and i just look nice or good or whatever half assed compliment they can muster, as they try to say it with as much sincerity as they can so it does sound kind and meaningful but also to avoid possibly coming across as non-platonic, because clearly since i'm a lesbian immediately cant understand the difference between platonic and romantic relationships, right?
i'm isolated from everyone, stuck in my own box of weirdness and i don't have the tools or help to break out of it and just e x i s t
