Random Complains 3[discontinued]

Have I changed?

I had a dream of my two close friends losing their memory and not remembering me. Waking up, I felt scared and sad, as well as forlorn.

I messaged them what about how thankful I was to them.

One of them replied, telling me that she was grateful for taking my side back then when peer pressure could have stopped her.

She said she knew I was better than how people described me and she said, quote, "look where are you now"

That got me honestly thinking

Where am I now?

I feel different yet, indifferent.

I still write, I started liking Kpop and such, my love for anime is still considerable, I still adore Star Wars, despite the MIA of Carrie(you will forever be missed. It's been a year).

What part of me has changed?

I changed a lot, it turns out.

I became more desperate for attention, I guess? I don't know.

I also thought about recent years and what I have gone through

12 years old was me testing out my preferences. I crushed on boys and a girl. I felt abnormal. I hadn't found out about the LGBTQ community yet. I felt alone

13 years old, I found out about different sexualities and how I fit in. I was normal but this year was also my depression era. I was sad mentally. Mum wouldn't believe me. She didn't when I tried to come out to her. She said I was trying to follow the trend. I hated that being depressed was being made fun of at the time because it didn't help us who are actually depressed to openly talk. This was also when I was experimenting with love. I fell in love and I dated. We broke up(peacefully).

14 years old aka this year was a rollercoaster. I was healing from heartbreak constantly. Had a few infatuations. Hadn't had one since June/July. I got into Kpop along the way, somehow and I'm here today with more friends.

Next year will surely be another rollercoaster but I hope I will be happier, despite the stress that is my exams.

I also hope to up my writing style so I can make better stories for y'all.

-Tiffsy