Uncharted Territory

Colyn

"This is complete bullshit! Who the hell does he think he is?! You can't just play games like this!" Camille sat cross-legged on the floor in front of my couch while I paced the length of the living room. Bringing my hands up to my face to brush the hair away, I could feel the heat radiating off of my cheekbones. I hated getting this frustrated, and hated showing just how frustrated I was even more. 

"Go over it again, slower this time, I didn't catch most of what you were saying." Camille was used to my rants about men by now, she knew that in the heat of the moment I talk faster than a jackrabbit on caffeine. We had been friends since the fourth grade, and I'm proud to call her my closest friend and confidant for the last eleven years. I took in a long slow breath, collecting my thoughts and composure, then plopped myself down directly in front of her. 

"When Dustin left for basic back in June I flat out told him that I wouldn't wait for him. Later on in August when I decided to wait, that was my decision and my decision alone. I didn't tell him I was waiting, I didn't want him to get an idea that I was more serious about him than I actually was. He came home from AIT at the end of September, and things were GREAT... for three days, then all of a sudden he wanted to take a step back and adjust to being at home before making a decision about us. Fine, I get that. What I don't get is why he then decided to tell me that I needed to move on and start seeing other people, not to wait for him to adjust. I gave him a month, a damn month, before I even said a single word to him. The only reason I reached out was to ask if we could talk. I didn't really wanna talk though, I just wanted his dog tag out of my house and couldn't bring myself to throw it away or give it to someone else to give to him in return. He made me feel like I was psycho for wanting to talk, so thinking I would avoid an unnecessary conflict that he OBVIOUSLY didn't want to have, I looped it through his truck door handle on my way through town one day. THEN, I get a call from his best friend, telling me I've shattered Dustin and he's absolutely distraught because me giving the tag back had to mean that I wanted nothing more to do with him. I tell the friend that no, that is not what I meant, I just couldn't stand staring at it every night anymore. SO THEN, Dustin sends me a message on my birthday asking if I have any plans, followed immediately by a reply saying 'never mind, I found plans'. Like what the hell, right? Then and there I decided I was done, but APPARENTLY he was not. He texted me Friday asking if I would swing by his place so that we could talk things through, whichever way they may go. I agreed. Told him to text me when he was off of work and I'd stop by if it coincided with the time I would be passing through town, which it didn't. He THEN proceeded to send ME a text claiming that he had no idea what I wanted to talk about, but a text message will be sufficient because I, I, lost all HIS trust when I started 'dating that guy a week after we broke up.' Mil, you know as damn well as I do that I have been on one, ONE date since September, and that was out of pity for the poor friend who didn't have a date to his Marine Ball. So I proceeded to text him back, a novel mind you, tearing him up one side and down the other again, then deleted his number and every other form of contact I've ever had with the asshole." Camille stared back at me, blinked, and sighed. 

"Col, please explain how this is a mind game?" She crossed her arms for extra emphasis on the fact that she thought I was pullin shit from midair. 

"Because Mil, Dustin's original 'move on and start dating other people' was some sort of twisted sick test to see what I would do. In his head, if I so much as went on a date with someone before he decided to talk to me that would mean I wasn't loyal enough to be with someone like him. Basically meaning if he were to get deployed he now thinks that I'd be back here sluttin it up cause he's not round to see it. Not to mention, I hung out with London the other day and she informed me that her and Dustin have gotten a little friendly on more than one occasion since he's been home." I rolled my eyes and sank to a pile on the floor. Why do I always fall for this type of thing? Why do I never see past the cover story? Why does the crazy always come out after I've decided I have feelings for the bastard?

Camille patted my head like I was a two year old having a temper tantrum. "Colyn, really, you don't need this kind of crap in your life. You're a strong, independent person who knows exactly what you want out of life. I'm gonna go out on a limb here, but maybe you should consider not dating anyone you meet dancing? They always turn out to be weird, crazy, or complete assholes who think they can throw you around like you're any other girl." I peeked up from under my arm at her as she sat back against the couch again.

"Mil, you know as well as I do that I don't have the opportunity to meet anyone outside of dancing." Camille and I went country swing dancing every Thursday, sometimes going on Saturdays as well. We enjoyed it, it was fun to have an excuse to get dolled up together and forget about our regular everyday lives for a few hours. Both Camille and I work during the day and go to school at night, so we don't exactly meet a lot of people during our normal day.

"Really? What about at church?" I could feel the exasperation in Camille's voice. I sat up straight, hugging my legs into my chest. 

"Seriously? You've seen who we go to church with. Those guys are nuttier than squirrel turds. I'd be willingly signing up for a double scoop of crazy. Not to mention all of them think that by some miracle they're  gonna find a wife within the next six months, and I've told you I can't commit to someone that fast. Besides, my life over the course of the next year is extremely unpredictable." I paused for a few seconds, letting out a long, exasperated sigh. "Maybe it's just time I focus on myself for a little while. That's not so bad, right? I mean, I'm feeling like I'm going bat-shit crazy over here." Mil rolled her eyes at me, placing a hand on my knee.

"Hun, ever thought maybe your expectations for a guy are set too high? You're wanting a man who is intelligent, spontaneous, who can carry on a good conversation, knows what he's doing with his life, and who is always honest with you. I'm sorry babe, but you're never gonna find all that in a guy wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and muddy boots. You're lookin in the wrong places." I looked up from my chipped toenail polish towards Mil.

"You're right, about the looking in the wrong places part at least. The only problem is that I wear boots and jeans on a daily basis, and the only guys who find that intriguing are ones who do the same. Other guys take one look at me and think I'm some sort of idiot hick blonde lost up here in this city bullshit. I'm throwing in the towel, I need a break to regain my ground again." Mil cocked her head and blinked slowly at me, annoyance clearly showing on her face. 

"That's not what I meant at all. I mean, you're looking in the wrong places, and since you don't get out to other places, maybe you should give online dating a try?" At that I got up off of the floor and started towards the kitchen to make some popcorn. Mil followed me in, leaning up against the counter. "Are you gonna say anything to that?" I paused in my search for the popcorn bowl, swiveling on the balls of my feet to look up at her from the bottom cupboard. 

"Mil I don't know, that's really not my thing. The only people I know who actually download those apps are desperate and fishing for compliments. Besides, I don't need a dozen guys messaging me late at night with one thing on their mind." I turned back to the cupboard, closing it before standing up to face Mil. She was still leaning up against the counter with her arms folded staring at her feet. "I'm sorry Mil, I just really think I need to take some time to get over everything and start focusing on my future and where I'm headed. Besides, if I get an internship come August I could be anywhere in the state, and I'd rather spend the next few months making memories with you instead of obsessing over how many guys I can talk to at once." Mil smiled and looked up at me.

"Will you please stop saying if you get an internship? We all know you were born to be a teacher, you're great with those kids and understand how to help every single one of them learn. Any district would be crazy to turn you down and you know it." 

"Now you of all people know as soon as I believe something is going to definitely happen the world rips it out of my hands. Can you quit this mushy gooshy bullshit talk and help me find the damn popcorn bowl?"