Before Death

Chapter 12: Changes in Dynamic

The truce proved to last, not ending as soon as the storm did. It seems that we had become bonded by trauma, miraculously setting aside our considerable differences in order to co-exist peacefully.

And so I spent the next 7 winters, living symbiotically with the pack. It was an incredible feeling... as if I finally belonged, finally free from judgement or the ubiquitous pressures of human society. I had become an integral member of a unit bigger than just myself.

Once trusted fully, I took over the role of raising the pups along with a wolf I dubbed Sasha. I would have loved to join the rest of the pack on their regular hunts, but my physical limitations didn't allow it. Even with all the intelectual advantages and tools that my species boasted, it was not match for the raw strength and speed of a wolf in the wild. I had to be content with setting traps to do my part to feed my new family and to take care of the helpless offspring.

And content I was. The wolves and I developed a mutual sense of understanding and respect for each other. I exelled in my duties as babysitter due to my unique ability to hold multiple pups in my arms to carry them back to the den if they happened to wander too far.

The seasons passed and my pack endured through bitter winters in which the hareskin coats that I had gathered from my snares kept us warm as well as through sweltering summers in which a coat trim with my trusty knife (which I had long since retrieved from the tree it was embedded in) was much appreciated.

I got to be a witness to births that the whole pack rejoiced over and deaths that we all mourned. I watched the unwavering alpha start to grow grey in the muzzle as I myself only grew closer to my physical peak.

The alpha was the only wolf that never became truly at ease around me. While the rest of the pack embraced me with slobbery kisses and wagging tails as they returned to the den, the alpha kept his distance, a true loner by nature. Make no mistake, we had great admiration for each other, as evidenced by the alpha guiding wolves that had trodden in thorns to me so I could help them. From my side I also had great reverence for the way he ran his pack and often fantasised about how it would feel to enjoy the thrill of the hunt alongside him.

One bright summer morning, I held the alpha, normally so averse to physical contact, in my arms. It was, however, not the beautiful touching moment that I had envisioned...

My day started unpleasantly at sunrise, woken by threating growling sounding from just outside the cave I now regarded as my one true home. It was one of the young males, facing off with the alpha. Alexander, for that was the name I christened him with, was growing aggressive as he reached adolesence. When other male wolves reached this age they would normally leave the pack in search of a territory for themselves, but Alexander had other ideas.

He became a significant disturbance to the pack order and started challenging the alpha, who was no longer in his prime. So far, the alpha had been able to put a stop to the upstart but there was a growing sense of unease.

This particular morning, it seemed that Alexander had finally reached a breaking point in his frustration with being low in the pack rankings. His growl had a completely different tone to it - before, he had been merely testing the waters with how far he could assert his dominance... but now he meant business.

Hearing this commotion outside the den, I quickly exited, intending to break up the fight before it got too serious. But when I reached the pair of wolves the situation had escalated from a standoff to a fully-fledged brawl.

"Hey!" I shouted, trying to get their attention. But they were already caught up in a tangle of fur, teeth and nails. Behind me the rest of the pack, 26 individuals at that time, looked on aprehesively. The unspoken agreement was to stand back and let the fighting pair battle it out for the title of the pack leader.

But to me it felt wrong to be a silent bystander. I could not be complacent as these wolves were ripping each other to shreds while I stood by idly; I felt obliged to intervene.

I had never before approached a wolf agressively. Once the pack had accepted me we had nothing but tender interactions with each other, bar the occational nip if I crossed some invisible boundary. Now, however, I ran a very great chance of being bitten without restraint.

I lunged forward and grabbed the scruff of Alexander's neck and pulled with all my might, trying to dislodge him from the throat of the alpha where his teeth had found purchase. For all the effect it had, I might as well just have stood aside.

Quickly realising that I would get nowhere with brute force, I changed strategy and ran to grab the nearest rock I could find. It was a heavy weight in my hand but I nevertheless sprinted back to the fight, where Alexander had now pinned down my alpha.

Without hesitation, I brought it down forcefully on Alexander's head. A harsh whine erupted from his throat and he turned his attention to me, leaving the alpha lying motionless on the ground. This fearsome beast was nothing like the pup I had hand-reared only a few years before. As foolish as it obviously was to try to fight a fully grown male wolf, I was blinded by rage towards this monster that had disturbed the pack dynamic that I had found so much comfort in.

I charged and raised my hand with the rock in it, ready to strike again. Alexander initially stepped back in surprise at a fully fledged attack from a creature he had seen a harmless oddity all his life, but soon regained his composure. His powerful and lithe muscles rippled as he pounced to meet my intended blow.

He crashed into me, and his heavy predator's body threw me to the ground as he tried to lock his jaws around my arm. I shouted, a raw and primal scream, meanwhile bringing my free hand around to poke him in the eyes. My rigid fingers found my mark and a watery fluid ran over them as Alexander let out a howl of pain and ran off.

I leaped up, phyically unharmed and watched him flee from his home. "And don't come back!" I screamed after him, my voice echoing from the distant mountains. I returned to the alpha's side just in time to see the light fade from his eyes. My heart grew cold, as if winter had come early indeed. I looked at his grey muzzle and his atrophied muscles and reasoned that this was simply the way of nature.

Survival of the fittest.

But that didn't stop my heart from aching. Once I had sobbed until no tears would come anymore, I inhaled the fresh forest air deeply. I would give him a hero's burial, the kind that I never got to give my first pack after they were slaughtered by bloodthirsty humans.

I stood up and was surprised to see that all eyes were on me now. The wolves seemed to be taking their cues from me. Could it be that I had inadvertently taken over the role of pack leader?