thursday night emotions

numbness

it's numb.

everything's numb.

i should've started revising for social studies an hour ago.

but i'm not doing it.

i hear my dad coming upstairs. i quickly pull out my study book and pretend to read my notes. thankfully he walks right by me.

i'm slapping a rubber band against my ring finger. it hurts, but i need a sensation of at least something right now.

a wave of cold rushes over me. i do not know where it came from, but suddenly, i'm warm again.

my ring finger's gone completely red, so i switch to my pinky.

i decide to put on some music. maybe it will get me to think.

it's unappropriately happy, but i think that's what i need.

my pinky's gone red too, so i'm switching to my middle finger

a voice in my head tells me to pull the band harder and harder. so i do.

oh my god, it hurts. but i can't stop doing it.

my middle finger is really red. i give it a few last slaps before starting to torture my pointer.

i'm scrolling through twitter, not really focusing on anything. i feel blind and uninterested.

i've switched to my thumb now. it hurts a bit more than the others, but i don't mind.

i've began to doodle random shapes on my arm. there are a few mazes covering my lower left arm. it doesn't give me a sensation,  but at least it keeps me occupied.

i'm still filled with a feeling of utter boredom. everything seems so pointless.

everything's numb.