bad habits~ s.s

IX

details, aren't they the best? i mean, without details everything would be blank, empty and senseless. without details, how would i be able to express myself? how could i describe his wonderful smile? how could i describe the way he made me feel? not being able to do that, is like hell for me. but, since i can detail everything, all day and night long, i will start with the things i used to love the most. -his smile- that half smirk he did when he knew he pissed me off. that childish smile he had on his face when we played together. that smile full of love that was addressed to his only one, me. that smile full of hope he had when he confessed to me. -his voice- that voice that was deep, ocean deep. that voice that made my name sound so god damn special when he said it. that voice that could knock me off my feet. that voice that was the thing i wanted to wake up in the morning with the rest of my life. -his personality- that personality that was confusing me 99% of the time. that personality that was so bright it could put the sun to shame. that personality that was what made me fall in love with him. that personality i didn't realise it was my everything. what happened to us? he was diagnosed with cancer. his smile was faded even tough he tried to do something about it, but he couldn't, he felt too weak. his voice that was once the most beautiful melody for my ears, became quieter. his personality was..destroyed. he wasn't able to do anything. i would visit him every day and just hold his hand, telling him that everything is going to be just fine. but i was lying to the both of us. then, suddenly, next to me, he died. he died holding my hand. he died looking straight into my eyes. he died smiling. he died telling me how much he loves me. even after the doctors came, i refused to let go of his hand. but, i can still feel him. i feel his presence. i can feel him caressing my hair while i sleep. every time i open my eyes suddenly, calling his name. but still, no answer.