The Librarians And the Advent List

Dec 18

Flynn, Baird, Jenkins, Stone and Cassandra were down by the river not far from the Annex entrance. It was the last night of the Portland Ship Parade and the lit up boats were due to pass by the area any minute. Flynn and Baird were being touchy feely which had caused eye rolls from the others, particularly Jenkins. The three of them had shuffled a bit further away along the overlook, giving the lovebirds space.

Stone sighed to himself as he looked away from the couple and over to Cassandra. She looked adorable tonight in her coat and cute little hat. She looked adorable most of the time if he was honest with himself. She'd succeeded in her quest to bring his Christmas spirit back, this was probably the best Christmas he'd had since he was little kid. But this little Advent journey had made him realize something else. He knew he enjoyed Cassandra's company, trusted her with his life and his secrets, she'd become the closest friend he'd ever had. But this December he'd come to realize that somehow, he'd fallen for her. It hadn't been a hard and fast thing, he couldn't point to any one moment when it happened. It just had. And now he didn't quite know what to do with that information. He wanted to hold her hand, he wanted to kiss her in the dark like the other couple. But he wasn't going to declare these sacred feelings to her here with everyone watching. Especially when he wasn't certain she felt the same way.

Cassandra chanced a look over at Stone as they wanted for the ships. She was excited to see them, but she was also lost in thought. She'd started this adventure simply enough. She wanted to have a wonderful Christmas season and when she found that her friend needed some cheer, she offered to share with him. Her intentions had been innocent and pure, just like the season. But over the course of these days, she'd realized something about herself and her feelings for Jacob. She'd dated before, taken lovers . . .there were one or two of those that had things been different, she could have seen building a life with. But having had no future to offer them, she'd always broken things off before either could be attached or been firm that they were casual from the get go. Even the one of those two that she'd accidentally fallen in love with didn't quite make her feel the way that Jacob Stone made her feel.

It sounded odd, but she was comfortable with Stone. Spending every day with him this Christmas season made her want to spend every day of whatever the rest of her life was with him. She saw him every day at work, but this was different. This was her life and for the first time in years, she actually had one. She had the feeling it was the same for him. They'd both gone through the motions of life for so very long.

Until now, until this Christmas. But she didn't know how to tell him. He'd asked her this morning what she wanted as a gift and she so wanted to tell him that she wanted him. She'd babbled something about a necklace she'd seen in the store.

She sighed. She was in so much trouble. She'd given him her heart but she didn't know if she had is. And her love really wasn't worth all that much to begin with.

She'd have started crying if she was alone. But before she could even excuse herself, the ships came into view.

They were everything she'd hoped they would be. So festive, pretty, fun and even funny. But it all was hollow and she wasn't sure if she could do the rest of the week.

Until in the dark, Jacob's hand touched her back. "Are you okay?"

"It's so pretty but I have a headache."

"Let me take you home then," Jacob said and Cassandra just decided not to argue. He'd given her a ride that evening because she was on the way back from an errand he'd had to run anyway.

Baird and Flynn were engrossed in each other so they didn't bother saying goodbye. Jenkins nodded a farewell as he munched on roasted chestnuts out of a bag and watched the parade.

"You gonna be okay gettin' in?" Jacob asked outside her building.

"Yeah, it isn't full blown yet. Thank you." Cassandra bit her lip. "Jacob, if you want to stop with all of this Christmas stuff . . . ."

"What? Did I do something to make you think?"

"No, no, I just thought maybe you were getting tired of it."

"I'm havin' a fantastic time. I told you that. I'm seein' it through, okay? You've made this the best Christmas I've had in years."

It wasn't what he said, but how he said them that left Cassandra with a smile after she was safely inside her apartment. Maybe there was some hope there. She couldn't give him a future, but she could give him everything she had to give.

She just hoped on some Christmas magic to let him accept that gift.