Don't Fear The Reaper

{vi. things are better if i stay}

❝The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.❞

-Marcus Tullius Cicero

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I see 6 more bands perform small sets of music before my day at Warped ends. Erika drags me to each of them, and though I hardly know a few of them, I savor every song, every beat, every strum of the guitar. In between shows we get soda and talk about our hobbies; she likes poetry and writing and the city, and has close to no knowledge of musical theater, which makes me frown.

By the time it finally starts to rain, we've wound up under a canopy near the exit, and Erika is texting her mom frustratedly. "My mom wants me to come find her. It's s'posed to really storm, and if there's extreme weather, they'll have to shut down. She wants to get out and and start driving back to Ashdown before the traffic gets bad."

"Understandable."

"I know you said you're homeschooled, but I'll see you in back in town, right?" She says as she pockets her phone, giving me a hopeful look. "I live in Country Squire, the development out behind the General Store."

"Uh," my mind goes blank. "Yeah, I know where Country Squire is. I, um, I may see you around town or something."

"Well," Erika says with an ignorant smile, "I waitress at The Fox on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays - dinner shift. You should stop by and say hi, and we can complain together about the stupid old people music they play over the speakers there."

She's talking about the diner off of Route 7, The Fox's Den, one of the most enduring icons of Ashdown's small town Americana. It was Will and I's true destination the night of the crash, and I've been back a few times since with my mother and my sister, but I've never seen any evidence about Erika still working there. An idea forms in my mind, but for now, I just say, "Sure. Right. Next time I'll go there, I'll ask about you."

It's not a complete lie, because now I would like to go there and ask about her. Still, I feel guilty, like Erika's going to wait for me and I'll never come. But what can I do? I can't exactly confess I'm time traveling. We all saw how that went over with Kat, and she's my sister - someone who actually knows and (slightly) trusts me.

"Great!" Erika exclaims. Her phone, a tiny, purple Motorola Razr that matches her hair, buzzes within her jeans pocket. "That's probably my mom again. Gotta go. One last hug?"

It's a question, but she doesn't wait for an answer. She just embraces me, and I hug back, though I can sense the stiffness in my muscles. When we separate, she says, "Okay! Thanks for hanging out with me today, it was so much fun, I honestly don't know what I would've done if I had to go around by myself! Make sure you come by The Fox! Bye!" As she's saying this, she starts backing away, before finally waving, ducking her head, and running out into the rainy crowd.

Without her, I feel cold, naked, alone, exposed to the elements despite being covered by a tent. Outside, the rain's pitter-patter on the concrete blends perfectly with the talking of people and the slapping of footfalls. Thunders rumbles again in the distance, and a voice behind me says, "You're going to break her heart, Lila."

I revolve and see Mor, standing amongst the rest of the people packed like hydrophobic sardines in the tent. Nobody's staring at him strangely, but I suppose most people here have seen much odder outfits. As for Mor, his gaze is settled on me, halfway between patronizing and something unrecognizable.