Always Out To Get Me

I sat in my apartment's bathroom, my bags packed and filling the living room. The guys were coming to pick me up for tour because I was going to be their merch girl. That's what I loved about growing up down the street from Alex. We became best friends, now he's famous and keeping me employed. That, however, didn't stop my depression from closing me into a tight, dark corner. My mind needs to stop fucking with me.

I was sitting on my closed toilet with my hand over the bath tub, watching the color red swirl down the drain for the hundredth time. I knew this would be the last time for such release. I can't possibly do this while on tour without suspicions. This release was to make me numb. I just need to suck it up and let it go.

"(Y/N)?" I heard Alex call out as he welcomed the boys into my apartment.

"I'll be out in a minute!" I yelled back, scrambling to clean up my mess. 

"Take your time! We'll just start loading the bus with your stuff!" Alex yelled back.

"Okay!" I answered, turning the water on in the shower to wash the blood that lingered. 

Leaving the water on, I dressed my wound tight over the tub. I grimaced every time the wrap wound around the cuts. This was getting old, fast.

"Alex?" I came out of the bathroom.

"Oh, hey!" He was the only one in the room, sitting on the couch.

"Where's Rian, Zack, and Jack?" I wondered, coming into the room more, rubbing my wrist.

"They're just waiting on the bus." Alex sighed, leaning on his knees.

"Do you need anything before we go?" I smiled.

"I'll just use it and we'll be ready to go." He got up and headed for my bathroom, making me nervous.

"Okay. I'll wait here and get shoes on." I replied.

I tied the last lace on my Vans and threw a beanie on quickly. My spirits were lifting quickly with my best friend here.

"(Y/N)?" A concerned Alex came out of the bathroom.

"Yeah?" I looked up to find him holding a bloodied razor blade. Shit, I forgot about those.

"I-I...I don't know." I shook my head. He put it on the kitchen counter.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He sat by my side, resting his hand on my back and gently rubbing.

"I just wanted to be happy for you. I didn't want to ruin anything with the band."

"This is your health, (Y/N). I...we would do anything to help you. No matter what. You're like my world, (Y/N)." Alex smiled.

"Well...I guess there's no going back about these." I played with the bandages wrapped around my wrist.

"Hey." He grabbed my chin lightly. "Promise me you'll try and stop. Talk to me. Call me. Call any of us when you're feeling this way." He collided foreheads with mine. "I can help." 

"I promise." I smiled in a whisper. 

"I can't lose my best friend like this, (Y/N). I don't think Jack could even replace you and he's almost a gay lover." Alex joked.

"I don't know about that one." I giggled softly. 

"I love you, (Y/N)." He whispered, looking down at my lips.

"I love you, too." I continued giggling.

"No. I mean it. Like...more than friends." He sighed and I blushed hard.

Before I knew it, something in me clicked. I pushed against his lips as hard as I could. Alex fell back on the bed and grabbed my hips. We began laughing and his face was as red as ever.

"I'm sorry." I sat up and got off of him.

"No. No...I liked it." He put his hand to my cheek and pecked me. His lips lingered.

"I can't wait for this tour." I shook my head and smiled wide.

"I can't wait for you to be mine." He answered. Alex Gaskarth wanted me.