A Wicked Game (Sequel to Expenses of Love)

Chapter 1

Here is the long awaited sequel to Expenses of Love. The votes are in and it takes place after the birth of Yukari's child. 

There will be regular updates of this story, or so I plan

Enjoy!

OoO

The first couple weeks, he just couldn't believe – he didn't want to believe it, even though he had seen her body with his own eyes. He just kept thinking to himself 'It's okay. I'll see her while we're out today. Maybe she'll stop by with Madara and I'll get to see her and her baby.' Sometimes, he found himself saying it out loud. He would look for her in those first couple weeks when they'd go out. He'd wait for her to come in with Madara for council meetings regarding the Hidden Leaf. But she never showed.

After those first couple weeks, anger and depression set in. He was a fool not accepting she had passed, delusional even. He had seen her body that day – seen all the blood and felt her cold, lifeless skin. He just didn't want it to be true. He wanted her to be alive, but it was just a delusion of his. He was angry with himself for not being there for her. If only he had been there, maybe he could have stopped it. Maybe he could have saved her. If only he had been there, he could have forgiven her and seen that smile one last time. If only he could have saved her and her baby – an innocent life who never got the chance to live.

Almost two months after her death, he still couldn't shake his feelings of anger and guilt and sorrow. It consumed him. He would ask whatever gods that would listen if they could bring her back for him, to relieve the agony he was in. On top of everything he felt for letting her die and not being there for her, he felt guilty for how he was acting and how his emotions were causing turmoil for his elder brother, Hashirama.

Should he have moved on by now? Should he just accept what had happened and that there was nothing he could have done? When he came close to accepting that she was gone and that he should carry on everything that she believed in, it got worse. As soon as he thought he might be ready to accept it, the guilt and depression came in strong, telling him if he accepted it he was would be burying his memories of her away – burying all the feelings he had for her away. And he was right back where he started. An endless cycle of denial and rage and grief. It seemed unescapable.

It had been so long since he had lost someone dear to him that he had forgotten how he had gotten through it before. There had been his mother and two brothers, then his father. Had he also felt this way when they had died? How did he get through it then? Had he abandoned his emotions back then and been his normal self? Or had he turned into emotional mess he was now?

He sighed as he looked out into the garden at Mito and Hashirama's home. They had invited him over for dinner once again in another attempt to help him cope with what he felt. He was thankful for them, but he felt a deep shame for letting them see him like this and for causing them so much worry about his health. He could see it in their eyes, that deep concern. He wished he could make it go away. He wished he could make it all go away.

There was a sound of footsteps and he looked up to see his brother walking towards him. Hashirama gave him a small smile and sat down next to him. "Dinner is almost ready. I went out myself to go fishing in the rivers. I know that's always been your favorite. Mito is cooking them just how you like it."

There it was. That twinge of happiness that happened every day. But it didn't last long. The negative feelings in him came back – why should he feel anything close to happy? The love of his life was dead. How could he even begin to be happy without her? Even if she wasn't with him and she was with Madara, he'd still be happy. She'd be alive and with her new baby, learning how to be a mother and doting on her son.