Chosen

 The gun felt stiff and awkward in my shaking hands. “I don’t know how to hold this,” I told the army guy in front of me uneasily. His eyes narrowed to slits that looked me up and down in a critical manner. So I lacked the camo suit and the bulky hiking boots he had on, but that didn’t mean I was free to be scrutinized. “What?” I demanded with some annoyance. This M16 did not belong in my hands anymore than I belonged in this army base. “Don’t speak to your superiors with that tone,” he replied coldly, smacking my face with a callous backhand.

What the hell was wrong with this prick? “Hey asshole, don’t touch me again.” Unbidden tears pricked at my eyes. Suddenly the gun was a precious wall of safety between me and this unpredictable aggressor. His face merely remained as impassive as stone as he placed his hand on the muzzle and dragged it towards him. The trigger squeezed under my finger-

“Stellar,” a booming staticky  voice called. “Leah Stellar.” I looked up sleepily from the surface of the desk where my head must have been resting, my cheek felt numb and tingly. What kind of dream was that? Next to me, Jake stared as if I was an alien from another planet. “What?” I asked sweetly, rubbing my eyes. “They called your name to go to the office,” he repeated dumbly. 

“Thanks, I hadn’t heard.” I replied politely with unabashed sarcasm. Ms. Fadkes stared at me with concern, waving me towards the door in swift, nervous motions. Everything she did was full of anxiety. I gathered my books together slowly and gave her a blank smile as I left. Whatever this is it better be quick, I couldn’t miss art class again. I entered with a shiny plastic smile plastered on my face.

“Go on in,” the lady at the desk pointed without looking up. Rude. Something about this was as odd as her hooked nose but I went forward anyways pushing my hair back and straightening my skirt. The principal's chair was turned to face the wide open window, his back to me. "Close the door and sit down, Leah," his detached tone told me whatever I was here for could not be good.

Ten minutes later I left the office dazed. Mr. Shaffer had said I was free to leave if I wanted but at the moment I couldn’t decide, on anything. Best not to miss school though, the parents might be home. Why me? I couldn't help but think wretchedly. He had insisted this was just a random act of fate but I wondered otherwise. I couldn’t be satisfied by that vague answer even if I tried. Especially when he claimed a boy in the next county over was also chosen. Since when had that ever happened?

I hated his sneaky smirk, his darting black eyes under his huge wide rimmed glasses as he spoke in a nasally offensive voice. What was worse than all that was the greasy strands of hair combed over the spreading bald stop on the crown of his head. I couldn’t stop staring at it with revulsion. He was reveling in undisguised glee that I was being punished like this. I knew he had never liked me, not since day one when he almost tripped on my knocked over bike in the parking lot.

It’s his fault, I had thought more than once as he carefully explained to me the procedure and when I should expect to leave. I couldn’t comprehend anything happening before my eyes as I clacked down the empty, foreboding hallway to return to class. They all stared as I walked blankly back into the room but said nothing while I slid back into my desk. Why did Jake have to keep gawking at me? How obnoxious. I ignored him, my head reeling from everything I would have to do looming before me. My skin pricked with the stares and everyone’s attention lazered on me.

I wanted nothing more than to bury my head in my arms and go back to sleep. The scratch of pencils irritated my thoughts though and I glanced out at the thunderstorm flashing, gloomy crowded skies stretched before me. What will happen to me now? No one had ever prepared me for this ghastly possibility. Not mom, not dad, and certainly none of the teachers.

I didn't pay attention in any of my classes throughout the rest of the day, even when Aaron, my gorgeous crush ever since freshman year, kept turning around and asking me if I was okay. "No, I'm not okay." I wanted to shout but instead I just nodded my head shyly and looked away. What was the point? I wouldn't be here for much longer. Thoughts were reeling at a rapid rate. Perhaps I should go home, I did feel a little sick come to think of it. Even in art, my favorite class, feelings of nausea prevented me from concentrating even remotely on the oil painting I had spent weeks on. What was the point, I thought in despair again, I wouldn't be able to finish it anyway.

It was a struggle to remain at school to say the least. Watching all my peers chat animatedly about their weekend plans in the hallways, couples holding each other in the courtyard, and teachers smiling obliviously at me as I passed them could have amounted to the most depressing moments of my life. I had no such plans to look forward to. It almost became too much. I ignored everyone else as much as possible, which really wasn't hard because no one really talked to me in the first place anyway. It was weird how that worked. I had a few friends sure, but only one that I was close to. And even now we were in the midst of a fight- "Should I tell her?" I wondered.

On the bus ride home from school I started to panic. I would definitely have to tell my parents. They would find out sooner or later if not from the news then from a phone call from my principal. What would I say? I couldn't imagine breaking it to them gently or saying it in words that wouldn't show just how much this scared me. And what about Carly and Anna? My little sisters were just about to make the huge transition from elementary school into high school, they would need me. Just when we were finally becoming close again and they were starting to trust me with their innermost secrets. It just wasn't ethical. How could this happen? I thought again for the seventeenth time as we turned onto my street.

There were others that might have reveled, even jumped at the chance to take on this adventure, this challenge. Not me, I had always thought it a horrifying passage that no person should ever have to suffer through. Sarah, on the other hand, had never agreed with me. My best friend had always relayed to me that it was a great display of guts and skill. Well screw you, Sarah, I bet you never expected to be chosen did you? I stewed angrily. 

I left the steps of the bus reluctantly looking back as if was at my lost childhood, back at the tiny bus driver who always waved at me every day when I got on, back at all of the kids crowding the seats, laughing and having a great time and waved absentmindedly. Some turned to stare at me in confusion, others just laughed or ignored me. Never again.

I was just able to make my ways up the stairs, past the unevenly chopped hedges, past the broken fountain sitting in our front yard and through the front door. I only paused just enough to hear the sounds of my parents conversing in the kitchen before I made the split decision to run upstairs to the bathroom. I had time enough to stare at my pale frightened face and brush my blond hair back before I heard the footsteps on the stairs. Before they could barge in I opened the door and met their confused faces with, "I was chosen today." That's all I had to say before my mom's face went deathly pale and my dad stumbled back into the wall opposite of us in shock.

"Bastards," he whispered. I just started to cry.

It was one of those times where you had been holding back emotions and tears all day for others who had no idea what you were going through and then finally telling a person you were close to and seeing how much they were affected. I couldn't help it, I broke down. I shouldn't have. It would only make them feel worse but I did and that was when our phone rang.

My parents didn't seem to hear it, their eyes wide and despairing. They seemed to be in a vacant daze. I moved to get it but mom reached out to stop me.

"I got it," she whispered before turning to take the phone off the hook. Thank God my sisters aren't home yet, I had time to think before mom handed me the phone.

"It's Sarah," her tone was dead and she was trying not to look at me but I could tell how hard all of this was hitting her.

I grabbed the phone numbly, wondering all the while how Sarah could have heard so fast. "Leah? Leah-" she asked into the phone, her voice broken up by heavy sobs. I closed my eyes and forced myself to breath, about to tell her I would be fine, there would be no reason to worry when she spoke first, "Keenan..." My mind went positively empty, what the hell did she have to tell me about her boyfriend that was so heart-wrenching? She took a deep breath before she rushed out, "Keenan was chosen today, Leah."