GRAVE TALKS | JJK

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jungkook made it to the cemetery. he was out of breath and sweaty, but he made it. he hadn't bothered to hail a cab or get an uber, it would have taken too long. he needed to get to the graveyard as soon as he possibly could. he felt a tightness in his chest, as if someone had dropped a hundred pound weight on his chest. he knew the only way he could relieve the pressure was by talking to soon-hee.

he laid down in the grass nearby nara's grave, underneath a sycamore tree. he shielded his eyes from the bright sun with his hand. the thought of nara's lifeless body being so close to his own made his skin crawl, but he knew that if he left now, soon-hee wouldn't come. so there he laid under the tree, actively trying to think of nothing for the sole purpose of not thinking of nara.

if he thought about the multicolored leaves, he would remember the time that he and nara had raked her parents' front lawn. her father had loved jungkook, but her mother had despised him. he had been determined to get in her mother's good graces, so he and nara had raked her lawn for hours, collecting every single stray leaf into a gigantic pile. when jungkook came back from getting trash bags to put the leaves in, nara was nowhere to be seen. he looked around, behind trees and nearby cars parked in the street.

suddenly, a sneeze was heard. jungkook remembered looking around for the source, but only heard giggling coming from inside the humongous pile of leaves. the second she knew he had found her out, she popped out of the pile, the colorful leaves tangled in her blonde hair and her eyes sparkling with mischief. jungkook smiled as he approached her, trying and failing to wipe it off his face.

"you messed up my pile. do you want your mom to hate me even more than she already does?" he had asked her, faking annoyance in his tone. nara grinned shyly, stepping out of the leaves closer to him.

"i'm sorry, kookie. the look on your face was worth it, though." nara teased, letting jungkook pick a few leaves out of her blonde mane. she stood on her tip toes, winding her arms around his neck. "are you mad at me?"

in response, jungkook kissed her. her lips were like satin compared to his constantly chapped ones. her little hands that he found adorable gripped at the hair at the nape of his neck as she smiled against his lips. she tasted like apples and warmth and happiness.

jungkook snapped out of his thoughts when a leaf landed on his face. his breathing hitched as he brushed it off of his cheek. trying not to think of nara, another thing he had failed at. the weight on his chest intensified. he fumbled for his box of cigarettes, craving the nicotine high. he lit it quickly and brought the cancer stick to his lips.

he waited a little longer. waited for the cigarette to do its job, waited for the tension in his body to evaporate with each puff, waited for soon-hee. he waited, watching the smoke from his cigarette filter out of his mouth, up and through the balding branches of the sycamore tree. he waited, and soon, his cigarette burnt his fingertips. jungkook winced, sitting up, tossing the cigarette stub onto the ground, and snuffing out the embers with his sneaker.

where was she? the one time he needed her, she wasn't there. all the other times, she had snuck up on him, been there within minutes of him first arriving. he didn't have a phone or a watch, but he could tell by the position of the sun in the sky that he had been there for hours, lost in his memories of nara.

jungkook hated the memories. he hated them for being a constant reminder of what he once had but didn't anymore. jungkook hated nara. he hated her for dying on him, for leaving him purposeless and loveless. jungkook hated himself. he hated himself for nara's death, for the constant memories, for the guilt and pain and emotions that wouldn't go away no matter how hard he tried. but, most of all, jungkook hated soon-hee. he hated soon-hee for becoming his single source of hope, and promptly following it up with becoming nothing more than an empty promise.